Why Would I Do This Job?

If you've ever perused the online job sites in search of a compelling job that you might want to pursue, then you're probably well aware of the kinda thing I wish to point out--ridiculous job postings.

There's very few good jobs on the internet as it is, most of them offer boring mundane positions in sales or some kind of vague title that only that company has made up "communications analyst" etc. But if the main purpose of a job posting is to serve as an advertisement to attract interested candidates to fill the position, then I gotta wonder what some of these HR idiots are thinking. For instance, I never cease to be amazed at ads like this one:

Executive Assistant to VP North America & Europe / Office Manager

• Support VP, Sales Director and sales team of 10 people in day-to-day operation of the office, make all domestic and international travel arrangements for VP, order all office supplies and maintain office equipment, process vendor invoices and assist with mailings, prepare expenses and schedule meetings for VP, faxing, scanning, copying and other general duties, assist with processing employee expenses, assist with various projects as assigned, assist with coordination of company events
• 
  
• Thick skin, turn on a dime, great skills, dedicated, flexible, professional, intuitive
  
• - could have long hours…. Lots of Project Management, strong prioritization, patient!!!!!!
• Job is unorganized chaos – someone who needs structure will not be happy.

I took the liberty of highlighting certain sections to illustrate what I'm talking about. Obviously, this is for an Executive Assistant position supporting a big wig. The description is fine until we get to the 2nd bullet point. Take a look at how this is worded and presented. Would any rational person want to take this shitty job?? Let's break it down point for point how I (and any normally intuitive person) would interpret this:

* thick skin - So in other words, you're an asshole who thinks that throwing out a disclaimer that you're an asshole relieves you of any constrictions you would otherwise have to exercise in how you talk to and treat people. You've made it clear in saying this that you're a difficult person to work for...and you think admitting this right out of the gate makes it okay for you to continue to be a colossal prick. After reviewing the position, I'm gonna go ahead and NOT work for you. By the way, go fuck yourself.

* could have long hours - This is what it is...a legitimate disclaimer. However, is that something you really want to advertise? I could see "long hours" being enticing if the job posting was for a Caribbean scuba diver....but for an exec assistant position? Your not offering a dream job here, stupid.....this is a job that is spent doing all the mundane work that you don't have the time or willingness to do, you're advertising for a corporate butler for hell's sake. And that's totally fine, but how it's presented is basically a shortened way of stating "hey, why don't you stay til 8pm tonight and make sure we're all stocked up on sticky pads...that is....after you reply to all of my emails for me." Again, if this was fascinating and fulfilling work, that'd be one thing. But no assistant should be staying past 5:30pm; anywhere.

* patient!!!!!! - Right off the bat, we know that this person who is requiring patience from the candidate is not himself patient...we know this because they tacked on 6 exclamation points to the word. What this indicates is "hey I'm gonna do some things that are either not efficient or chaotic or I might have a garbage personality that makes people want to murder me......but I'm not gonna change those things about me and my work, instead, I'm just gonna ask you to be patient." Again, who would want to work for this person? Remember it's an Exec. Assistant position, so we probably are talking about one person that the candidate reports to--the Exec.

* Job is unorganized chaos - Translation: this gig is shitty and it sucks to work here....hardly anything runs smoothly and we're looking for someone who we can blame it all on because we/I can't seem to get it together.
Again, to the writer of this posting I have to ask...where is your head? Even if it is disorganized, wouldn't you wait to disclaim that further into the interview progress, if at all? No person wants to jump into a place where there's chaos. Why don't you just create the headline "Blame-Welcoming Moron Wanted to Take the Heat for a Shit Show!"

* will not be happy - Really? You don't say!

Now I realize the nature of being an administrative assistant, it's not glorious and there's no reason to paint it any more colorful than it is. But that's just it, everyone knows it's not glorious, so why add kerosene to the fire by adding to this intiutive understanding that not only is it not glorious, but it's truly gonna make you want to blow your head off just by being around the place/people.

I will soon be moving to Montana to work on farm and go fly fishing just so that I can get as far away from this kind of corporate world as possible. Thank you for reading....I have to go stock office supplies now.