Facebook Attitude

Let me first say right out of the gate that I'm not much of a facebook person. Something about not being able to hug and kiss the people I love and smack the people I dislike...I don't know, guess I'd rather have the real thing. But today I had some strange compulsion to hop on and research some people.

My sister is probably more connected on the site than I am, I have like 8 friends and let me just state that I think it's a crying shame that my girlfriend won't add me. But anyway, I started on her page just perusing some of her friends, turns out she has probably a couple dozen connections to people from our mutual high school. Now these of course, were mostly her friends but I remember them and I'm sure most of them remember me. But as I cruised down this imaged-filled memory lane, I found myself rather hooked; hooked on the kettle cooked jalapeno potato chips I was eating, and also hooked on finding more and more blast from the past persons who I otherwise didn't give a damn about until this strange out of body experience I was having.

As it goes, these people triggered other names, those names triggering more names, on and on it went until I found people that I haven't even thought of for roughly 15 years (I barely thought about them then). Gotta admit it was kind of fun, some of my sisters peers lead me to some of my peers, we were only 2 grades apart after all.

But here's the thing, without befriending them, I couldn't tell what they were doing or how they were living. Some names had changed on the female side of things, so I know that marriages had happened and kids had been born and all that great stuff. But what caught me was this urge to look into their lives and try to compare them to mine.

This HAS to be the most enticing aspect of Facebook I would think. It is this ability to check in on people not so much because you care about their welfare necessarily (I would think the people whose welfare you truly care about, you pick up a phone, right?), but because it's somehow fascinating to us as humans to size others up, measure progression, and then take a glance in the mirror to see if we're keeping up, surpassing, or falling behind in the rat race of life.

And I, someone who hates looking in the past, got hooked tonight. It was a strange feeling...kinda like I was invisible at a high school reunion with no obligation to talk to anyone. I've personally never been a fan of high school reunions for the aforementioned reason. If you lost touch after high school, there's probably a reason why. Not that saying hello and a brief friendly chat isn't pleasant, it certainly could be. But I also have to admit a judgmental streak in me in thinking that if you were an asshole then, you're probably still an asshole...and even if you're not an asshole anymore, I only knew you then and life's to short to actively seek out who may or may not have changed; I simply move on. Anyway, I just find that the people who are on facebook all the time are the same kinds of people that would JUMP at the chance of a high school reunion every 10 years....hell, even 5 years.

And as I see it, this kind of person usually falls into one of two categories....

The dorky/nerdish/goth/awkward person who didn't have the privilege of being so popular at the time (I always felt kinda sorry for these kids, after all, surely they didn't choose this image...their parents were probably dorks too, or maybe they had a rough upbringing etc). This person really has only one reason to show up: to show how much they've changed. It's an opportunity to let everyone know, "hey I'm not a dork anymore, in fact I made CFO by the time I was 28, and am thinking of starting my own business.......I'd ask you to invest, but you probably don't have the capital and you fucked with me in high school, so forget I even asked." This is really the only statement the person in this category has to make at such an occasion. I personally can't imagine any other reason why someone unpopular who struggled for attention and friendships in high school would return to such a scene.

Then there's the ultra popular/jock/beauty queen/cool guy/homecoming/prom royalty that probably peaked too early in life and is now back to relive the glory days hoping the others will reign down accolades on them just like the old days before they started selling tires at Sears. For this person, it's an opportunity to forget how quickly reality caught up to them and instead clasp at the past as if it was still the present. "Remember that game? Dude I threw 4 touchdowns that night".
Nothing wrong with a little reminiscing. But that's usually all they have to talk about. Their time was then, and my how things turned out differently than they expected.

Then there's the rest of us, fairly average joes and janes who unwittingly took in that time for what it is (a rite of passage to an adult life), and understand that that's ALL that was. Sure, friendships developed along the way, some we still have with us, but more than likely they're the same kind of person that I'm talking about right here. Grounded, and with the understanding that there's no need to go back really. It's fun, but it can become an obsession quickly.

I was hooked tonight and almost became convinced that I needed to change my life, strategies, relationships, and career. But I don't. I'm at where I'm at and so is everyone else. And the religious practice of daily facebook browsing, twittering and researching everyone else will never change that fact. All it will do is make you compare. And in an ever-changing world that's becoming more and more subjective and relative...it's gotta be a big waste of time.

Nonetheless, I still can't believe Bobby Swenson got married, that guy was a complete tool back in the day.

Celebrities Dying

This has been a tough year in Hollywood. A lot of losing battles to this thing called death. Apparently everyone has this condition and it will catch up to all of us some day. It's a shame though that several key figures in the celebrity world have died this year....all quality artists and public figures. Starting with the most notable, we lost the King of Pop, MJ. We also lost 70's sex symbol Farrah Fawcett, along with newsmakers Walter Cronkite and Robert Novak. Renown filmmaker John Hughes passed away and now we just lost the one and only Patrick Swayze.

These are all people that I personally liked and respected. All of them contributed significant work to society and made our lives better for it. I think it's pretty safe to say that most everyone would agree. It's a shame they are gone. A special moment of silence for losing Jonny Castle, Bodi, and Dalton (all characters played by Swayze........can you name the movies in which he had each name respectively?). The guy did some fine work I thought.

But why can't we have more deaths amongst shoddy, low-brow celebrities? I know I know, it sounds mean. But let's just think about certain people and why we are better off without them.

When can we hear about Tom Green's death? How bout Carlos Mencia? Ashton Kutcher? The list is long and distinguished. Personally if I had to hear about the seemingly tragic death of these people, I might do a half shoulder shrug and then move on with my day. I just think if Amy Winehouse or Kevin Federline bit the dust, there might be reason to celebrate. I'm not saying that these people deserve to die; that's not my point. All I'm saying is that I can't promise you I wouldn't have people over.

If the entire cast of Entourage died in a huge fire at a strip club (a real possibility), it would be very hard for me not to assemble a pinada and actively seek out a birthday to celebrate. There's a good chance that if Paris Hilton accidentally fell out of a window and grabbed on to Nicole Ritchie's hair to save herself, and as a result, pulled Nicole out of the window too.... I can't promise you there wouldn't be a knee-jerk reaction to buy a disco ball and hire a cover band.

Again, I'm NOT saying these people should perish. Not at all. That's just cruel and unwarranted. I am saying that God-forbid it happen, I might be tempted to throw a few back that night.

There's no judgement here on character or even artistic integrity. Just a myriad of possible celebratory shenanigans that would be mere coincidence in surrounding the death of people who we're better off without.

Glorious Mistake

I made a pretty large mistake the other day. Fortunately there were no consequences other than a blow to my pride and intelligence. I was in a poorly lit bar and I was trying to get past this guy who was seated at the bar. So I politely said, "excuse me brother"...at which point I heard a female voice respond "no problem."

Obviously it's a strange predicament to take a second look and realize that the person you called "brother" was a woman. But I stood by it. See....the woman had a shaved head; I'd say like a #2 on the clippers....maybe a #3 (if you know your guards), and was dressed in a flannel shirt and jeans like she was the bass player in Candlebox or something (if you remember that group, I strongly salute you).

She didn't seem upset and her tone of voice when she responded "no problem" was not at all defensive. I'm guessing she probably just didn't hear me right, which is good. But I knew in my heart the mistake that I made, the gender reversal is usually irreversible. It's a non-rectifiable mistake. It's out there, you said it, you were wrong....take care! And that's pretty much the attitude I took. I said it, realized my mistake and moved on both physically and psychologically. The woman had a shaved head for hell's sake! And you throw on a flannel shirt and jeans and I'm just expecting you to be in a Sinead O'connor tribute band. I can't be expected to know what kind of fashion statement you're supposed to be making with a look like that. It's dark, and I tend to not look people in the face at bars lest someone strike up a conversation with me that I don't want to have. Or some Guido thinks I'm trying to act tough and next thing I know I'm having to diffuse a possible fight.

So instead, I'd rather just put my head down, stare off vaguely at something else and run the risk of calling a random woman, "brother". It's just how I do it. Not saying it's right.

Landing a Job

Why has it become so difficult to land a job in this day and age? I'm not talking about the consequences of our current recession, but rather just a general difficulty in finding a good job. We're all in the same position, we have to work for our living in order to survive. Work is the main thing that allows us to do just that. So why is the most seemingly primal catalyst in survival so hard to acquire? It's almost like the methods to this achievment are set up in opposition; like most industries and corporations are structured for rejection, not invitation.

Should we really have to take an hour out of our day to fill out an online application and submit it to no-mans-land via cyberspace. How bout the username and password you had to create just to establish a profile so that you CAN submit through their application website? It's like they're making you become a member of a group that is auditioning you to become an actual member? Seems like a strange irony to me.

What about 3-4 rounds of interviews for an otherwise meager position? I once had 3 rounds of interviews for an administrative assistant position, and when I got to the interview they couldn't even tell me exactly what I'd be doing..."it's pretty open right now, we're re-structuring a lot of things so the job could turn into anything". Awesome! Three interviews for a job that you can't even describe? Sign me up...right after I light this fuckin' place on fire! I didn't light the place on fire, nor did I get the position. I'm glad about it now, but hindsight appreciation doesn't get me back that wasted time or the contentious attitude my current boss had in letting me have the time off to go to the interview (she thought it was a Dr.'s appt of course).

It's like an obstacle course with monkeys throwing shit at you after you trip over one of the rubber tires in the middle of the course. That's not based on a true story, but you get the idea. No one should have to go threw all these hoops just to simply put some food on his/her plate. If the president and his administration want to talk about job creation, let's start talking about creating better jobs for people, not just more. Cuz in order to land a job wherein you don't want to blow your head off or your colleague's head off...you have to first get socked in the gut by a 1,000 gorillas and THEN AND ONLY THEN you might get the gig.

It's not a problem caused by a recession necessarily. I've personally always felt the difficulty in landing a decent job. Perhaps I'm too picky? Perhaps I'm hard to satisfy? Perhaps I need to shave off this spiked mohawk? Could be a combination of all those. But I'm pretty sure I'm not wrong here, as I've gotten the same attitude from many of my peers. And let's face it, most people hate their jobs.

So there's everyone's predicament really, we all get in line to jump through hula hoops laced with horseshit just so that we can plop down in our cubicle and get carpal tunnel.

I'm moving to Scotland now, I want to be a shepherd. Ever heard of a sheep that talked back to you or asked you to "enter this in a spreadsheet"? No, no you have not.

A Fine Dining Experience

I had the privilege of taking my beautiful girlfriend out to dinner last night for her birthday. It was a lovely evening and we had a great time and experience. But, as usual, I feel the need to point out some nonsense that I encountered. (I feel like I'm becoming the next Larry David.....always having to point out what's wrong with a situation).

On the basis that I had a gift certificate, I chose to dine at a restaurant called Acapella, a northern Italian place down in Tribeca. Amazing place, the food was delectable and the service was ridiculously impeccable. They run a fancy establishment and it's no place for the savage. It's definitely a 3-star fine dining experience...which frankly, I wasn't expecting. I wasn't prepared, and the reason I wasn't prepared is because it's not 1987 and I didn't have a job on Wall Street. Nonetheless, I enjoy spoiling my girlfriend cuz she deserves every ounce of it, and it was a special occasion being her birthday, so we indulged a bit over our heads. Had a great time.

But I realized there's a catch 22 inherent in the fine dining experience. When you actually do it, it's supposed to be a special treat for yourself and whoever you're with...right? Well, sort of. On the one hand, yes....it's a nice experience to be taken care of with such refinement and attention to detail. On the other hand, it can be a source of discomfort because you feel like you're not doing anything right. Like some kind of high-school angst that's grand-fathered back in a voice that says you're not good enough to be here or if you do something that's not "cool" you'll be mocked, however subtly.

Now I don't think Joanna and I did anything wrong at all (okay, I may have licked my fingers once or twice....that's on me), but even still the pleasure and relaxation was affected a bit because we were on our toes to be proper and not screw up in some way. Joanna seemed a little more intimidated by this factor than I was, as I tend to mock policies and protocols that exist for no good reason. However, I was still affected by her stress because I had to get her to relax a bit and enjoy herself on her birthday.

Now I don't mean to say that this place was uppedy or snobbish, not at all. It's fine dining....it is what it is. Our waiter was quite affable and we were greeted warmly. However there was also a "captain" that approached our table (a captain, for those of you who don't know....is your actual waiter in a place like this.......they just don't do any real work, you see them once when they take your order, and that's the end of the relationship). Anyway, our captain, though knowledgeable and courteous, was a bit imposing with his suggestions. Naturally, it's his job to "sell" us on the specials and the vino, but it was far more than merely inviting, he was strongly suggestive.........as if to think I'd be out of my mind if I didn't want an appetizer? "You should try "this", you should try "that"....how about "this" for the lady, and afterward I'll bring you our list of cogniacs and ports." What am I, a male stripper? I just have bills comin' out of my ass crack over here? Should I duct tape my wallet to my forehead and then tie up my hands so you can get into it at will?

Now he was just doing his job, but again it was that intimidation factor that kept the moment from being enjoyable. Now admittedly, Joanna and I don't eat like that very often, and I'm sure our captain could sense that in little time. Especially when I ordered the "scallops", which read Scallopine on the menu.......he corrected me that it was actually veal. Case in point, I didn't know what the hell I was talking about despite my efforts to remain confident in throwing some of the pressure back his way. I looked like a jack ass, but I was over it within a few seconds. So far, there's really no nonsense of which to report in this experience....just that we were mingling with the "finer" class of palates in the city and feeling the pressure of being among them. No nonsense, that is, until the bill came.

Now please understand, I'm not a stingy guy, but when the check came, that's when I just shook my head in a way that says "this is bullshit". The bill was a bit more pricey than expected, which I'm totally fine with as long as I know what I'm getting into. But we ordered 2 of the appetizers that were special that night, and 2 desserts; none of which was the price cited. No dessert menu was presented, nor was a mathematical figure announced when he was rattling off the specials. You just order in ignorance and boom!....a small Tiramisu cost $14....it was hands down the best Tiramisu I've had, but it was $14. And my sorbet was $12. Yes, sorbet.

This is what I'm talking about. The pressure and expectation to not ask questions or pursue information out of fear that you'll be made to feel ignorant or out of place if you do so. It's that presumptious mentality of fine dining culture that expects you to disregard money as an even remotely problematic issue..."you're obviously willing to spend whatever "we" say you're gonna spend, so I'll just suggest accordingly", says the captain in his head. And he's not wrong for thinking this necessarily. I could have asked how much the desserts were or to see a menu (not that places like this cite prices on everything), but there was a dilemma in doing so. Do I want to ask and risk looking like a cheap boyfriend, and have this guy give me a glare of "you obviously don't belong here"? Or do I just suck it up and consider the occasion and go with it for the sake of making my girlfriend feel taken care of and loved. I'm a wise man most of the time, so I chose the latter. It was a no brainer; after all, I knew where I was.

Now for the real nonsense (sorry to be long-winded). The bill came, everything was fine, but I noticed the check had 2 spaces for 2 distinct tips. One for the waiter, and one for the captain. Really? I kinda wanted to pull them both aside and say, "here's my table, and over there is another table. I need one waiter here, and I'm guessing they can probably use a waiter over there. One of you stay here....and as for the other server.....get the fuck out of here!"

This notion that you have to tip two separate people for 1 table is where I draw the line. Having been a waiter many times before, I'm a 20% tipper always. But as a patron, I really don't need two guys taking turns disseminating information that one person can do....all for the purpose of slyly trying to get more of a tip out of me. Just give me one affable guy with a pen and I'm good to go. So I just tipped slightly over 20% for the whole bill and jotted a tiny note that read "you guys figure it out". I think this is fair, if you're gonna put me in an awkward situation to decide who should get what kind of tip, I'm just gonna throw it right back your way.

I enjoy fine dining, I really do. It's nice to take an occasion and be served with such care and refinement. I made the mistake of not knowing exactly the kind of place I was getting into. I happens sometimes. No biggie. It was a terrific restaurant and supremely excellent food. I'll just know better about the bullshit protocol next time.

Time for lunch, I think there's an Arby's nearby.

Reality TV

I was waiting on the subway recently and I saw a billboard for yet another realty show which looked awful, maybe the worst one yet. It's a new show on the Oxygen network called "Addicted to Beauty"....a show about a team of cosmetologists who run a plastic surgery clinic together or some crap (the drama ensues!!!). Really? Really? Are you friggin' kidding me?

Maybe I'm just missing the draw here, but aren't we getting a little bit out of control with this reality fixation? I see billboards for this crap all the time--Tori and Dean, Dance your Ass Off, America's Next Top Model etc. Who gives a shit about any of this? Newsflash, no one cared about Tori Spelling even when she played a semi-retarded drama queen on Beverly Hills 90210 (a role that was probably not a stretch for her). And the only reason people want to see fat people do anything is so that we can make fun of them for doing that thing even though they're fat....pretty sad. As far as the next top model, I don't even think I can name one model........wait, Derek Zoolander! There ya go, I managed to remember one.

This is without a doubt THE lowest point in the history of television, I'm convinced. Nobody wants to write anything anymore; it's just putting the camera on a group of assholes and yelling "action!" Every time I turn around there's a bus with a huge ad for some garbage show that makes me want to puke on the side of the bus. The sad part is that networks that have since been notorious for producing good programming are now falling for the fad of turning the camera on and just letting people act like asses for the masses. Even TLC (the learning channel) now has a show about psychotic "pageant parents"....you know, the kind of parents that put their toddlers and babies in these beauty pageants. I haven't watched one second of it but I've dated a couple girls who were into pageants and let's just say I should kick my own ass for entertaining that. But the parents are worse because it's THEIR ambition, not the child's. I ask TLC, what's to learn from that? How to not be an asshole should have been covered around 10 yrs of age.

So let's try and answer this question: What is the draw for all of this reality programming? On the business side, I can understand the draw completely. Super cheap budget! No script to pay for, no SAG actors to pay, minimal set to build, and absolutely no talent to take care of. It's quite explainable why networks want to do this. But the real question is...why is it successful?

If what I'm saying is true and it's all garbage, then why are people so caught up in it? I'm a grown man but I'd honestly rather sit down for an old skool episode of Count Duckula on Nickelodeon than watch Tori and Dean become bigger jack-offs in front of everyone. But there are millions and millions of viewers that think otherwise. Why?

Can we safely assume that people watch this stuff because they don't have much else going on in their lives? That seems to be quite a safe assumption considering how many alternative options there are to watching some lady bitch out their husband because little Jeanie didn't have the right baton for the competition. Or worse, the other way around! I don't have a ton of respect for video games as a great way to spend your time, but I gotta say that these new reality series are making Madden '10 look like holding hands with FDR on your way to the Smithsonian.

I'm also gonna throw this out there at the risk of offending some of my readers. Have you ever talked to someone who's hooked on reality TV? I'm not talking about the person who's had a bad day at work and plops down to let his brain rot for 10 mintues (even I do that). Rather, I'm talking about the person who cites particular episodes followed by...."I love that show!" I've encountered plenty of these people, even family members, and they all have one thing in common........they don't know what a scantron is! Okay, maybe that's exaggerating, cuz I certainly know plenty of college educated people who watch this stuff. But honestly, if you just told me what happened in the last episode of Rock of Love w/ Bret Michaels, or Sixteen and Pregnant (awful concept by the way), I want to turn my back on you mid-sentence and walk away; never to waste my eyesight on you again.

Obviously, I'm not coming up with any real answer to my question here. I'm not sure if there is just one answer as to why people watch this stuff. It's probably a myriad of reasons. No education? No parental guidance? No mind? No soul? I do not have the answer. I just know there was a time when characters such as Cliff Huxtable and Alex P. Keaton touched the hearts of American TV viewers. Mr. Belvedere was a gentle man, and we were all supportive of Charles being in charge before he went to the dark side of reality TV as well. I'm simply saying that there used to be endearing, positive figures to watch on the small screen. Happy Days were truly happy days back then, and I can think of no other more comforting and encouraging voice, than the voice of Kit in Knight Rider. He looked after Michael, he cared for him.....he was the "Alfred" of Pontiac Firebirds.

Let's go back to these days people! Let's demand better programming from our networks by saying NO to this horseshit they're putting on the screen. Watching this crap will never make you a singer, it'll never make you a dancer, you'll never tryout for the Dallas Cowboys, and never never never will you screw as many rancid, souless, god-forsaken trash-women as Bret Michaels. So just put downt the remote and start reading for a change. My blog is a good place to start........

Guy Flicks

So nothing really substantive here on this entry...but I was flippin' through the channels last Sunday and good ole' Spike TV was showing a double dosage of Stallone in Rambo. First Blood, followed by First Blood pt. II. Obviously the '81 classic speaks for itself and Brian Dennehy learned some tough lessons in that film, but as I started watching the sequel (1985, same year as Rocky IV), it occurred to me that I hadn't seen this is quite a while and I completely forgot how much ass was kicked by Stallone in that film.

He gets betrayed by his corporeal commander back at the base and left for dead in a Vietnamese prison camp....which was a huge mistake, because Rambo loses it and just starts fucking people up left and right.

The whole thing just made me appreciate being a guy and loving these classic action hero movies that have such a profound impact on a young dude. I'll admit I didn't become Rambo, nor have I fought a Russian boxer nicknamed "The Siberian Express", nor have I fired a machine gun at a transparent alien in the jungles of south America, and I don't have any vale tudo fights in the Kumate. But I could have done all that if I wanted to, I just chose not to........I discovered beer in high school and that's that.