Posters

How come the room poster is no longer relevant today? At what point did it become passe to have a poster on your wall of something cool that you liked? After all, isn't it still your room? Even if you're married, half the room is yours isn't it? So why not throw up a Ravishing Rick Rude poster just for old time sake?

It's a sad time when the poster as a species of art is dying. We've traded in classic images of real things and people for abstract nonsense of two scribbled lines down canvas entitled "two scribbled lines on canvas". Sadly the latter probably costs at least a few grand, meanwhile you could probably pick up a Shawn Kemp poster for $3.50.....or in someone's attic for free.

At any rate, I'm a man and thus collected man-posters.....mansters if you will? And now I'd like to take you dudes (and sisters of these dudes) down memory lane for a look at some classic images that really hit home for me and many many other guys.

On your left is exhibit A....a classic one for many young boys...the holy Ferrari Testarossa. If this wasn't on your wall at age 10, then you weren't dreaming big enough. If you're 60 years old, I'm not talking to you, obviously this glorious machine wasn't invented yet. But if you're like me (late 20's/early 30's), then this car has a very special place in your heart. Where it does not have a special place, is in your driveway. Cuz let's face it, if you have a poster of a Ferrari in your room, you probably don't have a Ferrari. Moving on..........

Exhibit B to your right is one of the most accomplished and progressive athletes in the history of human existence....Macho Man Randy Savage! An Ohio State alumni, this man brought more joy (and suplexes) to the hearts of more young boys than the entire G.I. Joe cast combined. He is a pioneer in the world of professional wrestling and just general kick-ass-ness. He is respected everywhere he goes and can I just say that I'd love to sit down, have a beer with him and talk shop....I may or may not snap into a slim jim.


Keeping the party going........to your left you'll see Exhibit C, another classic sports figure by the name of Michael Jordan. I could do probaby 20 entries on the amount of classic posters that this guy has out there, but I picked a portrait piece that I'm sure you would remember as a young lad....it is called plain and simply "Wings". If you didn't have this poster in your room somewhere in the early 90's....you were gay. Plain and simple. You were a gay young boy on your way to gayness of perhaps an extreme variety. Every kid knew this guy could fly and we wanted to be just like him. I for one still want to be just like him. It is a love affair man-crush that will never end. Although I will say, Lebron and Dwight Howard......well let's just say I would have an affair.

Next we have Exhibit D. A classic portrait of lustful vixen Tawny Kitaen. This was during her reign as a hood ornament sex goddess for the band Whitesnake. They probably all got a piece of that, not to mention the band members from Ratt and countless other hair band members...and a few roadies perhaps. Now I'll admit, this poster was around 1987 or so, so I was only about 9 years old and not aware of the kind of effect she could have on a man. But I threw it up here anyway as an ode to men slightly older than me that were coming into to their teenage years when she was frolicking around.

Now contrast that pic with this other one on your left. Obviously this is not the headshot her agent is submitting for TV and print work; however, it is a headshot nonetheless. This was taken just shortly after her arrest from kicking then ace pitcher Chuck Finley in the face with a high heel. Perhaps he didn't have enough track marks on his arm or enough tattoos to make her happy. This is not a coveted poster from back in the day, I threw it up purely for the joke. I hope it was worth it.

Moving on...now we come to a personal favorite of mine being born and raised in San Diego. Exhibit E, the classic big wave poster. I have no idea where this shot was taken, probably in Hawaii somewhere, perhaps the North Shore? But I had tons of these on my wall and although I didn't aspire to be a pro surfer, I do love the sport and will pick it back up when I'm living on the coast again some day. Plus waves are just aesthetically appealing in general.

And lastly but certainly not least, we arrive at one of the earliest depictions of the male psyche......please welcome to the show, exhibit F...the classic beast/animal poster. This is a sample of something I would have had in my room. I enjoyed birds of prey a great deal, as well the entire big cat genre. If you went with a Zebra or a Giraffe, well, I'm not gonna say you were gay, but you had better have had that Michael Jordan "Wings" poster also up in your room; or yes, you were in fact gay. However the irony is that although having this poster up in your room at age 8 meant that you were NOT gay; if you still have it up....then you are clearly now gay. Try solving that puzzle. The beast poster brings out the wildness and untamed spirit that a young man should have from ages 5 - 14 I would say. I've always appreciated the majesty of such a pose that this bad-ass lion is striking. After all, every man wants to have the heart of a lion.

So there you have it. All of these images combined played an integral role in many dudes' lives. We are all probably blind to the kind of effect they had on us. They have helped shape me into the kind of man I am today. I know I know....if that's indeed true, there should be a poster of sarcasm somewhere. But that's an abstract concept...you can't photograph it. See? I can be literal too.