PUBLIC FIGHTING

It occured to me that some people have close to zero discretion when it comes to airing emotional and sometimes physical discourse in public settings. My sister is a totally sane person...........now. But growing up together was basically 18 yrs of fighting, we had a hard time getting along. And I remember her willingness to have a fight in public places like a supermarket or parking lot. And I don't mean boxing, but an all out yelling match or making a scene.

And other than the obvious discomfort of having a fight with someone in general, I remember thinking, "how are you able to do this....don't you feel the least bit uncomfortable drawing negative attention to yourself (and me) in the canned food aisle?.....I sure as hell do!" But for some, that wall of discretion that says "not here" is either made of soaked cardboard or they just weren't given one from birth. Amazes me.

In NYC where I live, this is blown up beyond comprehension. People's willingness to just shout at their girlfriend or boyfriend on the phone....not just shouting, blood curdling screaming, cursing and hellish name-calling. All taking place on the sidewalk with other people around or else standing on the subway platform waiting for a train with a bunch of other people who'd rather not be forced to listen to how dysfunctional their relationships are! If you're lucky enough to catch a subway in Queens or Brooklyn where the trains sometimes run above ground (thus allowing cell phone reception), then you might further enjoy them bringing their quasi COPS episode on to the train as well......you know....where it's super quiet and everyone just wants to sit in peace like they normally would in their own car.

But what really interests me is to see a stranger break up a fight between two other strangers. Guys who break up fights between other guys that they don't know fascinate me. After I saw it, I couldn't help but think "would I have done that". No. No I would not. I don't get it. You don't know the guys, they don't know you, it's not your problem and you have no stake in it...so what are you doing it for? Granted, most people actually don't want to fight when it comes down to it. And most people don't want to see violence happen in front of them. Nor do I.

However the question is, what jurisdiction does the breaker-uper have in the equation? If my friends Tom and Bill have maybe had too much to drink and a dispute or argument leads to physical altercation, I step in, of course. I know each of them, I know they'll regret it, and we're all friends. But what grounds does the stranger have to break up a fight? Seems kinda rude in a strange funny way. You're basically butting in and not minding your business. Only in this case, you could accidentally take an elbow to the nose.......or maybe one on purpose. The two fighting could turn on you!

If a guy is getting beaten by another man severely, one is morally obligated to step in and try to protect by pulling the other guy off. But if two idiots are about to throw blows over who was standing to close to whom on the subway....then good luck to ya fellas, gouge each others eyes out for all I care. I have salmon thawing and I should probably get home.

STAYING LATE FOR NO REASON!!

Please post a comment for this entry if you think you really have a sound answer to this......but why are these people in the cubicles in front of me CHOOSING to stay late on a Friday and acting like there's pertinent work that has to get done? I'm in the same office, in the same department, even the same project! And I can tell you...there isn't reason to stay.

There's an absolutely wonderful and not annoying at all sect of office workers who think they're cool or "going the extra mile" by staying an extra hour late at the office, even though that hour is spent on facebook or wikipedia or some crap that has nothing to do with their actual job. I guess keeping up appearances is the "right" thing to do within the realm of office politics.

You know who doesn't stay late at their job for no reason in order to keep up appearances? Farmers! Shepherds! Firefighters! There's probably others. Anyone who doesn't make their living in an office, basically.

Well I guess they can stay here as late as they want watching Youtube videos or going over some work that is making their eyes bleed......I for one, am outta here. That is....after I finish this blog.
Done.

...okay, now I'm really leaving.

Too Much Tech and Info?

I was shopping in Bed Bath and Beyond the other day, because I'm married now. And as my wife was looking at curtain rods, I offered to mozy over to the sheets and pick up a set that we had registered for. She seemed concerned that I wouldn't remember the style and brand that we originally liked, but I assured her "I got this".

As I made my way into the sheets section hoping nobody I knew was around, I noticed a sign posted at the start of a short aisle that said "How to buy sheets". That's literally what it said. I squinted and began to read. Then it hit me..."what the hell are you doin' man? you don't want to actually be caught reading this thing". So I quickly looked away and reassured myself that I had what it takes to select a set of sheets, physically walk them to the checkout, and swipe a debit card. No "how to" guidelines needed for this guy, I can buy sheets, what am I?...an idiot?

But the 2nd thought that popped into my head was, "Is that what it's come down to? We're so used to information technology and cell phone apps that we can't even buy sheets anymore? We have to be reminded? Of course that sign wasn't posted for that reason, but for some reason, that was the thought I immediately had.

I just had a friend hit me up in an email about a new "project/business" she was starting up, and when I checked out the site, it seemed to be another opportunity to sign up for yet another social network! I had a myspace page, I have a facebook page, I have a website, and I have a blog. I don't need anymore people peeping in to my world. It's not even that interesting at the moment anyway.

I'm a fan of technology. It has certainly made our lives easier. But is that necessarily a good thing? For instance, my wedding weekend....I had a destination wedding so I had friends and family calling and texting me constantly on my cell wanting to know where, what, and when on a half-hourly basis. So I was fetching calls and feeding information to over a dozen people all day for 2 days up until I arrived at the ceremony. I was stressed from planning my own wedding. Not how I pictured it.

So the question came to me...what on earth did people do in the 90's and earlier in a situation like this? How, i ask how, could someone pull off an event such as mine? They would have had to plan in advance? They would have had to do research in advance to know where everything is. Maps would have needed to be purchased. Thought would have had to go into their communication strategy, and promptness and accountability would need to be applied. Perhaps this sounds like a pain in the butt for them, but it would have made my life a hell of a lot easier that weekend.

Cell phones are fantastic, almost as great as DVR (after all, we absolutely CANNOT miss what's on TV these days, it's amazing). Indeed, the cell phone and navigation systems that come with them make life a bit easier, that's why people shell out dough to have them. But the same kind of quick fix has made its way into our social lives and we no longer have to communicate on an interpersonal level (unless we choose to). Actual conversations are being had via text messaging, I've seen texts come in 4 or 5 parts....hell, some people won't even use the phone much for it's actual purpose....PICKING IT UP.

Now right about now you're thinking, "okay, what's your point exactly?". I don't have one. I often don't have one. I'm just writing crap in my blog hoping that some tight thesis or conclusion comes to me and it often doesn't. A stupid sign at BB&B on how to buy sheets caused me to think about other facets of our informational world.

I guess my point is that the answer (as usual) lies somewhere in the middle. I love my cell phone for the convenience it provides me, and I also know how to buy sheets.

Whew....saved it there, for a minute I didn't think I was gonna have a tight wrap-up to hammer my point.

Honeymoon

I got married a couple weeks ago and now we're back from our honeymoon and trying to adjust to normal married life, whatever that is.

The wife cooked dinner the other night, I cooked dinner last night, tonight I'm not gonna be home til 9:30 or so, and she offered to make dinner to have ready for me when I got home. Feels good. Nice to be married. I do wish we were back in Hawaii though, sipping on $12 cocktails near the pool and then hopping into the ocean for a mildly drunken snorkel session.

It kinda made me wonder why anyone lives anywhere else. I suppose some people would get island fever after a while, but I would gladly welcome that in contrast to the hard living I experience here in the concrete jungle of NYC. To each his own I suppose. I'm just saying that when I'm on a crowded bus of rude people, I would not mind if a tropical fish swam within 2 feet of me and appeared to wink.

We had a blast on the honeymoon. Nothing but paradise and pleasure coming together for 10 days straight. Sunset dinners, parasailing, snorkeling, catamaran cruises, champagne...and plenty more activity. Now the real world of marriage begins though. Do I do her laundry now too when I need to throw in a load? If I'm hungry, do I fix a snack for two automatically? Can't leave any more dishes out, that's certain. Knocking on my own bathroom door feels strange as well. But it's all part of the journey. I'm thoroughly convinced despite the adjustment that I made the best decision of my life.

I'm totally on board.

MOVING

I recently had a big move this weekend. Well, not that big, I moved to what is equivalent to a 10 minutes walk from where I was living before. Kind of a frustrating move, cuz you feel like you didn't actually move even though two couches were carried down 4 flights of stairs, and an entertainment center had to be dismantled and put back together again.

I have some steller friends in my quiver, who all showed up to help out and contribute to the cause. I of course returned the favor with delicious pizza and a trip to a local beer garden where I picked up the tab. I've come to the determination that a true test of a real friend is if they're willing to help you move when they are available. I had one guy spring a last minute "my ex-girlfriend just booked a last minute train into the city...so I'll be entertaining her starting tomorrow morning". You mean by "entertaining" that you're gonna be throwin' her around in the sack because you STILL can't break it off clean? Got it.

I've done this for several of my friends more than once and I'm happy to do it again (help them move, that is). For some reason, I see it as an excellent opportunity to serve my friends in a very needful way. Most people balk at the thought of helping someone move. But these people, more than likely, are just lazy. You know you're gonna be rewarded with a full stomach of something rife with saturated fat, plus enough beer to get your buzz on if you choose....so why not say yes to it? Think about it. You're burning mass calories during the actual move, and then putting them back at the end with food and brews. It evens out and no trip to the gym is necessary that day.

On different but related note. Time Warner Cable customer service sucks beyond comprehension. We transfered our account to the new address but we now have shoddy wireless internet. All I wanted was to schedule a tech to come out and change out our wireless router. 30 minutes later of being transfered to a bunch of imbecile's, I'm told that the soonest they can get a tech out to me is over a week from now. That's cool TW, I'll just keep paying for the service like there's no issue until then. Of course we can go without internet even though our cycle started on Oct 1st and it's now approaching the middle of the month!

I would switch to Verizon Fios, but the surprise of paying an additional $60 in hidden "we don't even know what that is" fees is even more daunting of a prospect.

SAYING GOODBYE TO SINGLENESS

I'm about 2 weeks away from getting married in New Orleans. It's very exciting and it's definitely the best decision I've ever made in my life. Granted, it will be a committment and a lot of sacrifice, but what kind of person do we really evolve to be without those virtues? Not much of one, in my humble opinion.

Nevertheless, I have come to realize retroactively (and will probably have more realizations once I'm a few years into my marriage) that there is definitely something to be said for the single life. You see, I've spent 90% of my adult life as a single person. I was never a "player of the field" if you will. I had some girlfriends over the years but probably not as many as the next guy. I guess I was just okay flying solo. I'm used to my autonomy, my own decisions, choices, tastes, and freedom. So for me this is a big step and will prove to be an interesting transition. And I do look forward to further refinement as a man...which only a woman can perform.

Having said that, I thought I might recap on a slew of things that I'll either miss or won't be doing anymore as a single dude living in a major market. Mind you these are just a few things I'm pretty much saying goodbye to, not that I'll NEVER engage in these activities/endeavors/interests again, but I'm considering them gone. So here's what I'm saying adios to:

Playing air bass
Leaving my socks right where they are because I'm fine with where they are
Sitting on the edge of my bed for 30 minutes in my robe deciding what my next move will be
Leaving beer bottles visibly out because I think it's art
Foosball
Knowing exactly where stuff is
Wearing my concert t-shirt's just about everywhere
pretty much my wardrobe as I know it
loud rock & roll
wiffle ball
Pizza at 3am
Flirting with girls
Looking at girls
Talking to girls
Merely acknowledging that other girls exist
Fetching my own beer (that's a joke, hope you get it)
All the Van Halen I can take
Crashing on my buddy's couch cuz I'm too lazy/hammered to head home that night
The Ultimate Fighting Championship
My money
Any friend who's merely been a drinking/goof-off buddy over the years
All female friends (not that I had any)
Singing R&B ballads simply because I'm in the mood
Peeing with the door open
that piece of furniture

.......the list is long and distinguished, I'm sure I'll add more to it over the years.

None of these thing am I truly holding onto too tightly, like St. Paul said, "when I became a man, I put away childish things." And thus I will too.

But I will NOT...repeat NOT.....start wearing loafers and yacht shorts! Ever.

Less Reply All....More Thinking About if People Care

If you've read any entry in my inconsistent blog you will know by now that I tackle the big issues in life. Squeezing from the end of the toothpaste instead of the middle. Opening presents on Christmas morning rather than its Eve. And of course....email ettiquette.



I'm a huge emailer, I must check it a hundred times a day at least. My gmail account is constantly open at work (whether it's technically allowed or not), and as soon as I get a new email, I drop everything and check it. Thanks for the false alarm Filene's Basement. Now recently I joined a writing team for an online publication that does nothing but publish the complaints of people such as myself. It's actually quite humorous most of the time and thought provoking. Anyway, an email was sent out to the new members of the writing staff welcoming them and thanking them for their efforts and patience with certain technical issues. Ideas on how to market the site better was also solicited by the editor in chief.



All of a sudden, I get 5-6 "reply alls" from these new writers introducing themselves and throwing in their 2 cents about how we can generate site traffic. All well intentioned (as most reply alls are); however, it's annoying as all hell. I get a new message in my inbox and it's Claire writing from Utah telling everyone on the list that she's so happy to be on board. Well that's great Claire, but you just took up 5 seconds of my busy life to say hi! This is not a huge corporation and you're not the new CEO. We all submit a couple of pieces per month and get on with our lives. No one even really knows each other.



Why do people feel the need to reply all with matters that are of no concern or interest to the people on the list? In this case, the editor in chief was the only person who solicited a response for suggestions, and therefore, that reply should have gone to him only. The rest of us don't need to know you or hear your thoughts. I know it sounds nit-picky and perhaps even a little brusque to criticize such people. But the lack of discretion in their solicitation is irritating after a while.



Cuz what happens is some third party chimes in and responds to that person, next a fourth smart ass has a comment and the next thing you know...your inbox is being bombarded with cluttered messages from all these "hilarious" people you don't even know much less value their opinion. This happens with b-day parties that are announced via email etc. Any kind of group activity wherein people don't "think it through" can easily end up like this. If Jack thinks he's funny and wants to throw out a comment, than just reply to Jack.



And if you work in an office and you want to hit up the happy hour really badly cuz you're 22 and anxious to mingle and throw back some Goldschlager...then just reply to the sender and tell them you'll be there. Don't identify yourself as the tool in the office by replying all and saying "Bill and I will be heading up the wet t-shirt competition". We get it....you're excited about drinking with your co-workers and you want to make sure you get the proper attention as the office jack-ass. Don't worry, you'll get the attention. But if you could just leave my inbox out of the equation, that'd be just terrific.

REAL ESTATE BROKERS

It's been so long since I've had any kind of "normal" existence outside the city of New York, so I can't say that this post is going to be universally relatable. However, when one begins the process of hunting for an apartment in NYC, it's basically the beginning of a stress-inducing endeavor that often brings disappointment and occasionally ill-will towards the jackasses that show you the units for rent.

Anyone in NYC knows who I'm talking about--the slick (often literally from their guido hair products), fast-talking, pushy, inconsiderate salesman called "brokers". Before I rant, here's a question. Must the word "broker" and "shady douche" be synonomous? Why should this be? There's no necessary connection really. But I've find that there's often very little exception to this association. I hear the word broker and I immediately cringe at the thought of dealing with that person. Anyway, something to think about.

But real estate brokers in general are extremely difficult to deal with and navigate socially. Here's a scenario that happened to me recently: I found an ad for an apartment, the pics looked good and they had a neighborhood shot of a park supposedly right across from the apartment building, which I knew was in "Harlem/Morningside" somewhere. But that's all I knew. There are some parts of Harlem that are quite developed and pleasant, and other parts that look like they should be in an Eddie Murphy movie from the 80's. That means shitty, by the way.

So I responded to the ad and asked for the cross streets so that I could get an idea of the exact location. That's it, that's all the information I wanted at this point in order to move forward or not. The guy emails me back and says, "Brett, what's your mobile number? I'd rather chat on the phone and give you details that way"
What??????? This is the b.s. I'm talking about. I want ONE single piece of information and you want to do a phoner? I'd like to point out two things here.

1. The actual cross streets would have taken you far less time to type than your stupid "let's have a phone converstation....I'm a desperate broker" reply.

and

2. The cross streets are the very thing that will determine whether I want to talk to your presumptious ass!! Just answer the friggin question and let's get on with it.

Sooooo...I replied to his email with "the cross streets are all I'm interested in at this point, no need to take up your time if the area is not a match".

He then replies, "Mobile number?"

Are you kidding me? Now he wants to email-argue with me? A complete stranger is email-fighting with me over how we're gonna communicate. Naturally the right response here is to delete the exchange and put this guy out my mind. He's not someone I want to deal with if he can't answer a simple question. All that did was tell me that the area is probably a great place for a rape.

Granted, he's trying to make a sale, I can appreciate that. But why wouldn't he just tell me the cross streets? I don't need to be high pressured to hand out my cell number so that he can pursue me. I'm the one looking for an apartment, it's my living situation in question....I WILL CALL YOU when I'm damn well ready. I will ask the questions, just answer. THIS right here is the frustrating part of dealing with these guys. They want to control the conversation, control you, and act like you're already in the door (in all fairness, this is what all salesman do really). "Bring your credit score and proof of income", they say. How bout I make sure that this apartment isn't a total sty-hole first, THEN we'll talk about my credit score.

It is movers and shakers in this city, that's no doubt. So I understand the necessity to think and act fast when you see an apartment you like. But again, that's assuming you LIKE it. To assume that I want your no-closet, no-outlet, awkward kitchen space, hole-in-the-wall crappy apartment is just annoying. Answer the questions honestly, tell me the truth, and we'll go from there. Fair enough?

DIETING AND EXERCISE

This is not gonna be one of my more entertaining posts....and what a great way to start a new post, right? I'm trying to drop a few pounds, 15 to be exact. It's not exactly an insurmountable task, not terribly daunting as a goal.

I've heard people boast that they lost 10 lbs in a week doing "such and such" diet. Of course, they always gain it back immediately after the diet because those kinds of experiments only shed water and muscle, not actual fat. I learned recently that a pound of fat is 3,500 calories. So basically if you shed 500 calories a day from your diet, you will lose 1 lb of fat per week.

Now I'm pretty sure that in the last two months that I've been applying myself, I have done this. I think I've consistently knocked off 500 calories out of my diet. It's not that hard. One less portion of this...3 less bites of that, "no, I really don't need a candy bar right now", no soda etc. It all adds up and will make a difference on the calorie counter.

Problem is, I'm really not seeing too much of a result in the ole mid section. I was never truly "fat", but I'm not svelt either right now. Luckily I have fairly large muscles generally so I "wear it well" you might say. However, I'm not seeing the progress and results that I had hope to after consistent exercise and calorie-counting. My stomach is flatter, to be sure. My abs are starting to show a bit finally and every once in a while depending on the angle (and lighting), I'll catch a new glimpse of definition in my shoulders and arms. So it's happening. But it is happening SLOWLY.

They say 1 lb a week is about where you want to be in terms of true weight loss. Absolutely no more than 2 lbs a week to stay on the safe side. Got a ways to go. But recently I snagged a 3 day guest pass to a really nice fitness facility through a friend who took me in to a class they have there called "whipped". Now I've consistently been doing 30 minutes of fairly rigorous elliptical, followed by weight training of a speedy pace (so that my heart rate stays up). Seems like a good regiment, right? Well....

This WHIPPED class really put things in perspective for me. It's a circuit training class, 45 minutes of station to station calisthenic exercise, with hardly any break. In short, I was cramping up during the warm up. It was so intense and rigorous, it made me depressed at the attempts I've made thus far to "get in a good workout". 45 minutes non-stop cardio, core, and calisthenics....all driven by motivation not to appear like your giving up in front of the other class members.

My upper torso got through it okay. One thing I don't work however, is legs. Well, I did in this class. My ass muscles and quads were ridiculous the next day. I dropped a fork and it took me 34 minutes to pick it up, coupled with all sorts of old-man sighs along the way. My gym sucks, they offer no classes, so unfortunately for me I'm gonna have to go back to my regiment and just make sure that I'm pushing myself and getting the most out of what I can do there. But it really made me realize how much actual work needs to be done just to burn a measily 400 calories. The class probably burned 800 in the 45 minute time frame, which is a STELLAR workout for how long you're in there.

So the lesson learned here is......however hard you think you're working, you're probably not doing as much as you think.

And now the great debate for me when I get off work is this.......nap, or gym? A decision I have to make on 4 hours sleep last night.

DOUCHEY CONCERT GO-ERS

I recently went to a concert with my fiancee and another couple. I won't disclose who I went to see. Ok, I saw Heart. They were absolutely terrific and I enjoyed myself immensely. However, any time many human beings assemble at a concert, there's going to be some douche bags in the mix who don't know how to act. I honestly would love to find another word for the type of person I'm about to describe, but "douche bag" really has taken on a legitamized alternative meaning other than its feminine hygene association.

I opted not to buy the expensive tix for this show....after all, it's Heart. Thus I decided to get some cheaper tix which were standing room only on the floor. Hammerstein ballroom is a lovely venue and there's really not a bad seat in the house. I was perfectly content to stand for 2 hours to hear this wonderful band. But, of course, I knew going into it that there would be "THAT guy" (mutliple "THAT guys" actually). And if you've been to a standing room only show, you probably can guess who I'm referring to.

It's the guy who doesn't respect the unspoken rule of standing room only shows. Don't push people out of the way so that your beer-gut body and fat-ass girlfriend can make their way closer to the stage! And it's always the same type of guy, some guido-lookin jack-off with a heinous chick on his arm trying to show how cool and assertive he is by shoving his way to the closer spaces (as if there are any).

Sure enough I saw it a few times at this show. It's hard to know what to do in this situation though. It's noisy first of all, so saying something to the guy isn't always heard. Even if he does hear you, he obviously doesn't care because his behavior already demonstrates that his parents raised him to be a toolbox maggot piece of garbage. And even if he does hear you...will his blue-collar, unrefined, mouse-sized brain comprehend your message that he's being a pig-bastard lame ass? (how we doin' on hyphens by the way?) And even if he understands the message, you think a guy like that is gonna offer an apology and head back to where he came from?

Well, I was glad to see that some form of the latter scenario did actually happen. I was pleased to see it. He made his way a few "rows" up in front of me so he was technically out of my physical range and jurisdiction to be the one to say something. Plus I know myself, it wouldn't have gone well. Whether I would have gotten the better of the scuffle or not...I can't have on my social resume that I was kicked out of a Heart concert for fighting! Megadeth maybe.....but not Heart.

But a bunch of women certainly did speak up, along with another couple, and it wasn't long before he retreated back to to the cave from whence he came (along with his munchkin gal pal he was with).

I just hate the fact that people know that what they're doing is somewhere between super-douchey and "you should really end your life and get off the planet", and yet they still go through with it! We all paid good money to see a good show. Let's all come together and recognize the unspoken rules of concert-going. Here are a few that come to mind:

1. If you have standing room tix, don't be the ass that pushes and shoves his way to get closer and infringe on everyone else's physical space (especially when you're 6'4")

2. Smoke your weed but don't blow it straight out into the back of guys head in front of you, and respect the no-smoking rule when it comes to cigarettes.....no venue allows that crap in there anymore.

3. If you're gonna sing along.....dammit, be in key! No one paid to hear your squealing shower voice.

4. We all have the same amount of physical space allotted to us, let's respect the space of others and not sit like you're on the toilet with your knees 2 feet wide, okay Buford? And if you're 350 lbs, find the empty seat that has 2 empty seats on either side next to it so that you don't impose your lard on others.

5. Don't stand when everyone else is sitting. Know the show you're going to, Metallica? Cool to stand. Pink Floyd? Sit back and enjoy the visuals and sound.

6. If you're 25 and happen to enjoy Peter Frampton...cool? Don't get pasted and obnoxious and ruin it for the 65 yr olds who just want to enjoy the concert.

7. You're not a good dancer. I recorded it and can prove it. And no one else in the row behind you thinks your good either. Have a seat crazy lady!

8. You haven't seen Hall and Oates in a long time, you're a divorced woman and you're there with your other divorced woman friend and you guys think you still "got it". You don't. You've put on some lbs. Next time please dress accordingly.

9. You're at a live performance with 15,000 other people. What the hell are you doing on your phone? Please hang up now. We're all waiting to hear "Refugee", not a song called "this dickhead's conversation"

10. If you spill beer on someone...GENUINELY apologize. Don't mix in a half-ass barely-audible "sorry" and then keep rockin out like you committed no offense.

Sidenote: A wag of the finger to the concession workers who ask 60-yr olds for their i.d. I know the boss says "card everyone!", but have a little respect for your elders and reverence for their noticeble hair-loss. My dad (63) got carded at a show not long about and he about slapped the shit out of this kid for even asking. After all, he didn't even look old enough to serve alcohol?

Keep this in mind people. And everyone gets to enjoy the show!

JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE OUTSIDE.....

When a person is outside, there's a certain aura of freedom. No walls around us, open space, fresh air etc. And that can often make a person feel free to do certain things. But this feeling should be curtailed. After all there's many things we normally shouldn't do outside. Light candles, have a baby, curl up on the couch, masturbate etc. But I'm starting to think smoking should be added to the list.

I'm continuing to be impressed by the inconsideration of smokers. I personally am glad that we're headed toward a social environment where smoking is darn near obsolete (like Sega video games, or the band Sugar Ray), we're getting there and it's a really good thing.



But there still remains this individual that thinks that just because he's outside, there are no unspoken rules of courtesy that still apply. For instance...don't be the guy/gal who lights up RIGHT WHEN you get out of Grand Central terminal, there are still tons of people exiting and vying for space on the sidewalk. No one wants to come out of the stenchy subways only to smell your cigarette smoke right as they exit. You can't wait?



Another example would be when multiple people are eating around you. I watched this douche-nozzle take a seat on a bench in one of those little quad areas where professionals take their lunch break. Not a large area mind you, so the space was quite occupied with people eating their lunch and talking shop. This numb-nutz plops down right next to two women and their food and lights up...the girls were clearly down-wind, and thus they had to move. All because this guy just had to light up right there. There's no way he can go pick a spot on low-traffic sidewalk away from people, he totally needs a seat for his habit!



Another example would be the morning smoker on their way to work. NYC is a walkers city obviously, and these people need to throw in a grit as they walk to work. They then turn their head left or right to exhale. Awesome...yeah, nobody is coming up on your left or right on Lexington Avenue on a Tuesday at 8:45am or anything. Don't blow the smoke upward where it belongs, just turn to your left and assume that no one is right behind you to take in a huge second-hand breath of your poison. Stop being that guy!



Not to be too harsh though. I realize it's an addiction and some people just can't seem to quit no matter how good their intentions are. And if a person does have to smoke, outside is obviously the place to do it as a general rule. I'm simply stating that one ought to apply the same "do unto others..." that he would normally apply in social situations...or any situation for that matter.


After all, the rest of us aren't the one with the problem.

SUBLETTING

My current living and relationship status has me subletting throughout this sweltering summer in New York City. I'm just gonna throw it out there for the intellectually curious......if you ever want to question WHY you live in NYC, and your answer is because it's so great...then I humbly recommend you mix in a sublet situation and see if you still feel the same way.

As it stands, I'm currently paying $750 a month for the following ammenities:

shoddy internet,
an AC unit that pushes about as much cool air as a camel's anus,
a filthy kitchen,
an anti-social roommate,
one beach chair serving as a the only seat in the living room,
1/2 of a spatchula with which to cook,
a broken toilet that takes 45 seconds to flush everything (if you get it all on the first try),
and oh yes......BED BUGS!!

I have been particularly enjoying the latter experience. Of course, there are better situations out there, but I was in dire straits due to another unfortunate incident which put a huge damper on my plans (which was to live in a place with a 55 yr old Chinese man with broken English way out in Brooklyn).

Given that he pulled the plug on me at the last minute, and that I wanted to be closer to my fiance', I was hell bent on hustling for a room to rent for the summer in Astoria Queens.
So, in my desperation of foreseeable homelessness, I agreed to this room. It was furnished and was only gonna be for 3 months.

What is my point? My point is that I have a hard time justifying living in this city sometimes given what you get for what you spend. $750 a month is not chump change to me or any normal person. $750 would probably get you a tight one-bedroom apt all to yourself in Charleston South Carolina for all I know (which, I hear, is a nice little city to live in). But no. Apparently I'd rather spend $750 on bed bugs and a floor that screams "flip flops now!"

So why am I doing this? Because if I want to survive in this city and carry out my plans for the immediate future, I have to. It just chips away at my conscience (also another word for wallet) and reasonability to think about wasting money like that. All because I really didn't have a choice. Sure I could have paid less for a sublet, but I might have lived with 4 college dudes in an even dirtier place, perhaps with cockroaches large enough to bum a smoke off of me. In fact, all of the places I looked at for around $650-$700 were all styes. Not livable to anyone with decent standards.

I sincerely hope for my sake that when I've moved on and I look back on the NYC days, I'll think of it as the best thing I ever did and not the biggest waste of my assets.

"CAN YOU HOLD MY PLACE IN LINE....?"

I was at Starbucks recently and someone pulled a classic request with their own little selfish spin on it. This one I hadn't experienced before but it put me in kind of a weird spot. I get in line to order, and I'm the last one in line. This dude gets in line right behind me, so now he's the last person in line.

Within a literal fifteen seconds, he taps me on the shoulder and says, "hey man, would you mind holding my spot in line? I just gotta hit the mens room real quick, just if anyone comes, let them know that there's someone behind you?" He was nice enough in his tone of voice, but my knee jerk reaction was "Are you nuts?"

You want me to hold a spot in line that's behind me? You do realize that I only care about what's in front of me, right? The whole reason I'm in line is to get to that register with minimal obstacles, I don't need an assignment from you to hold your place in line BEHIND ME. First of all, I don't even have jurisdiction there! Everyone knows you only have power to hold the person's spot in front of you (if you so choose), but to ask someone to hold a place in line behind them?

How bout this? How bout you just don't get in line right now? How bout that? Clearly you're not ready, so just go do your thing and THEN get in line with the rest of the rational people in this place. In this case, he was the last person in line and he's asking me to hold his place as the last person in line.

What am I, an asshole? If someone comes in after this and gets in line, do you really think I'm gonna turn around to that person and go, "just so you know....you're not as close as you think. Believe it or not, I'm holding a spot for this douche who could be back any second, or he could be gone a while....we'll just have to wait and see, but either way, you're not behind me despite your physical presence there."

That sounds insane but that's what I would be forced to say if I agreed to the proposition. And you're probably asking, "well then, what did you tell him?" Basically I agreed to do it, knowing full well that I had no intention of lifting a proverbial finger if someone stepped in. Luckily (not that I really cared) I ended up getting to the register before he got back, so he lost his place entirely, and he should have.....he did a schmucky thing.

My Cubical Neighbor

If the guy 2 cubicles down from me gets up one more time for no reason other than to grab another soda and snack, he will have had 4,752 snacks/drinks and it's only 10am.



Just sayin'

AL GORE SEX SCANDAL

I'm reading up on this alleged sex scandal that has Al Gore in the spotlight. I don't know if it's true or not, but I'm gonna guess it's not and my reasons are not for a lack of evidence; but rather....it's Al Gore!

I'm not saying the man is ugly, but he's hardly charismatic and charming when he speaks. If he did it at all, it might have been simply because Clinton did it back in the day and Gore probably knew about it, so he wanted to have his own fling. You only hope this "massage therapist" was hotter than Monica Lewinsky.

I just can't see the guy having an affair. How would he even entice a woman? And even if he did, would all the dirty talk be about how he invented the internet and how he should have won in 2000! Very arousing stuff.

Politicians are powerful people so I guess I wouldn't be entirely surprised if the affair was true. I'm just having a hard time picturing Al Gore naked with a woman; which, I guess, is a good thing. If that thought came to my mind easily and repetitively, I'd have to kill myself. I can however, easily picture him ironing a shirt in his boxers with a cigarette and asking his wife if he should put creases in the sleeves or not. And then spilling his coffee on his crotch.

That is the Al Gore in my head. Not a sex maniac.

Wedding Planning

I'm getting married in the Fall and my finacee' is in the process of teaching me everything I didn't know or deem rational about planning a wedding. She's winning. Apparently there's a ton of protocol and etiquette (let's just call them what they are....unsubstantiated rules), surrounding the wedding planning process and actual event.

Basically I'm learning that I'm a huge a tool when it comes to these things. I try and shimmy in my opinion or view on a given issue, but I might as well be talking directly to a Mr. Potato Head Doll telling it that it can't leave the house looking like that. My reasons and logic seem to fall on deaf ears. But I'm okay with it because it's "her day". And I truly do want the attention on my bride come ceremony time, she's the real prize here...I'm just an average-looking dude that got lucky, REALLY lucky.

However, every once in a while I feel the need to address the presuppostion that it's "her day". It's my day too, after all. Now I'm not saying that I want all eyes on me and that I should walk down the aisle to meet her at the alter (though that would be friggin' hysterical in my mind), I'm just sayin' let me shimmy in a request that's in my favor once in a while. Throw one my way every so often, is what I'm asking. My fiancee' is getting better at this but she still has a ways to go. The reason I know she has a ways to go is because she still thinks the Bee Gees aren't gonna be played during the reception party. Well, I have news for her......embrace the idea, cuz that shit is GONNA HAPPEN.

Now I'm not gonna cheeseball the whole reception by coming out to How Deep is Your Love for our first dance, that's silly and cliche. But Night Fever will be heard loud and clear once people are on the dance floor with a few (probably several) cocktails in them. And if I break out into a solo, I break out into a solo....circle it up and let it happen. There's only a few things that I'm hell bent on having or doing at my wedding, and that is merely one of them. Some form of red meat would be on the list as well (also happening).

Flowers, colors, location, time of the ceremony, china patterns and crystal stemware? Knock yourself out babe! But let me mix in some cheesy scallop potatoes on the menu and an Issac Hayes tune (preferably from the Hot Buttered Soul album).

I want her to be super happy and overjoyed with this important day. She's the beautiful one, she's the coveted prize, and I want all eyes on her and all attention going towards her on our wedding day. All I ask for is maybe a handshake, and an enthusiastic pat on the back when Hall and Oates hits your ears......cuz that was MY call.

Facebook Attitude

Let me first say right out of the gate that I'm not much of a facebook person. Something about not being able to hug and kiss the people I love and smack the people I dislike...I don't know, guess I'd rather have the real thing. But today I had some strange compulsion to hop on and research some people.

My sister is probably more connected on the site than I am, I have like 8 friends and let me just state that I think it's a crying shame that my girlfriend won't add me. But anyway, I started on her page just perusing some of her friends, turns out she has probably a couple dozen connections to people from our mutual high school. Now these of course, were mostly her friends but I remember them and I'm sure most of them remember me. But as I cruised down this imaged-filled memory lane, I found myself rather hooked; hooked on the kettle cooked jalapeno potato chips I was eating, and also hooked on finding more and more blast from the past persons who I otherwise didn't give a damn about until this strange out of body experience I was having.

As it goes, these people triggered other names, those names triggering more names, on and on it went until I found people that I haven't even thought of for roughly 15 years (I barely thought about them then). Gotta admit it was kind of fun, some of my sisters peers lead me to some of my peers, we were only 2 grades apart after all.

But here's the thing, without befriending them, I couldn't tell what they were doing or how they were living. Some names had changed on the female side of things, so I know that marriages had happened and kids had been born and all that great stuff. But what caught me was this urge to look into their lives and try to compare them to mine.

This HAS to be the most enticing aspect of Facebook I would think. It is this ability to check in on people not so much because you care about their welfare necessarily (I would think the people whose welfare you truly care about, you pick up a phone, right?), but because it's somehow fascinating to us as humans to size others up, measure progression, and then take a glance in the mirror to see if we're keeping up, surpassing, or falling behind in the rat race of life.

And I, someone who hates looking in the past, got hooked tonight. It was a strange feeling...kinda like I was invisible at a high school reunion with no obligation to talk to anyone. I've personally never been a fan of high school reunions for the aforementioned reason. If you lost touch after high school, there's probably a reason why. Not that saying hello and a brief friendly chat isn't pleasant, it certainly could be. But I also have to admit a judgmental streak in me in thinking that if you were an asshole then, you're probably still an asshole...and even if you're not an asshole anymore, I only knew you then and life's to short to actively seek out who may or may not have changed; I simply move on. Anyway, I just find that the people who are on facebook all the time are the same kinds of people that would JUMP at the chance of a high school reunion every 10 years....hell, even 5 years.

And as I see it, this kind of person usually falls into one of two categories....

The dorky/nerdish/goth/awkward person who didn't have the privilege of being so popular at the time (I always felt kinda sorry for these kids, after all, surely they didn't choose this image...their parents were probably dorks too, or maybe they had a rough upbringing etc). This person really has only one reason to show up: to show how much they've changed. It's an opportunity to let everyone know, "hey I'm not a dork anymore, in fact I made CFO by the time I was 28, and am thinking of starting my own business.......I'd ask you to invest, but you probably don't have the capital and you fucked with me in high school, so forget I even asked." This is really the only statement the person in this category has to make at such an occasion. I personally can't imagine any other reason why someone unpopular who struggled for attention and friendships in high school would return to such a scene.

Then there's the ultra popular/jock/beauty queen/cool guy/homecoming/prom royalty that probably peaked too early in life and is now back to relive the glory days hoping the others will reign down accolades on them just like the old days before they started selling tires at Sears. For this person, it's an opportunity to forget how quickly reality caught up to them and instead clasp at the past as if it was still the present. "Remember that game? Dude I threw 4 touchdowns that night".
Nothing wrong with a little reminiscing. But that's usually all they have to talk about. Their time was then, and my how things turned out differently than they expected.

Then there's the rest of us, fairly average joes and janes who unwittingly took in that time for what it is (a rite of passage to an adult life), and understand that that's ALL that was. Sure, friendships developed along the way, some we still have with us, but more than likely they're the same kind of person that I'm talking about right here. Grounded, and with the understanding that there's no need to go back really. It's fun, but it can become an obsession quickly.

I was hooked tonight and almost became convinced that I needed to change my life, strategies, relationships, and career. But I don't. I'm at where I'm at and so is everyone else. And the religious practice of daily facebook browsing, twittering and researching everyone else will never change that fact. All it will do is make you compare. And in an ever-changing world that's becoming more and more subjective and relative...it's gotta be a big waste of time.

Nonetheless, I still can't believe Bobby Swenson got married, that guy was a complete tool back in the day.