St. Patricks Day

Yesterday was St. Patrick's Day and I did nothing. My historical knowledge of certain holidays is pretty meager except for the obvious big holidays like Flag Day and Bastille Day....I'll go on all day about those. It is rather fascinating to me that people take major license to celebrate something they either know little to nothing about, or it doesn't apply to them (Cinco De Mayo) and then simultaneously use the holiday to get really drunk and act like a fool.

Don't get me wrong, there was about 4 straight years when I got drunk and acted like a fool every weekend...the glory days, if you will (okay maybe 6 straight years). However it was on days such as St. Patty's day and New Years Eve that I opted to not join the herd of jack-offs drinking themselves silly and generally being a menace to society. This might sound a little elitist, a bit too cool for school perhaps? If that's what you think, then let me give you some examples of how cool I can be. Instead of joining the frolicking masses in their "amateur hour" celebratory shenanigans, I might instead sit at home with my own six pack for a chance to watch Teen Wolf for the 123rd time. Or let's say I was tempted to "come out" that night with some friends, but randomly I noticed that Roadhouse is gonna be on TBS in less than an hour.......well, guess who's about to cancel? I'm sorry, but a sixie coupled with Swayze ripping throats out and getting hot ass along the way is about as good a night as I can think of. Obviously these are not options to brag about for most people, they are only cited to illustrate how uncool I can be relative to the people who think it's cool to rage on St. Patrick's Day. I simply choose not to be a part of it.

I went out to Hoboken, NJ one week ago completely unaware that for some idiotic reason, they choose to celebrate St. Patty's Day over a week before the holiday. So when I got to the station to get on a train, I was immediately depressed and at the same time impressed to see the tool factory that the PATH station had turned into that morning. Immediately I thought to myself, "I'm gonna murder someone....it's only a matter of time." Half drunk girls wearing ridiculous headwear, popped collar frat boys huddling together talking about their strategy of how they're gonna push everyone out of the way and bomb rush the first available train car when the doors open. I've never wanted to pour gasoline on people and light them on fire until that morning.

When I finally came up to the streets of Hoboken, I was surprised to see that Rutger's had apparently dumped its entire freshmen class in a state of drunkenness on to the town....it was noon by the way. I spent most of my walk looking at the zoo animals and making horrible judgements in my head about each of them thinking, "I wonder who took their Valtrex today.......moreover, I wonder who's gonna need to start taking Valtrex after today." This of course reminded me that I needed to take my Valtrex, so I did and quickly stopped judging everyone else. I ended up getting a forty and passing out in a bush with one shoe.

So happy belated St. Patrick's Day everyone, stay inside next time. Maybe you can join me for Stallone in Cliffhanger!