Reality TV

I was waiting on the subway recently and I saw a billboard for yet another realty show which looked awful, maybe the worst one yet. It's a new show on the Oxygen network called "Addicted to Beauty"....a show about a team of cosmetologists who run a plastic surgery clinic together or some crap (the drama ensues!!!). Really? Really? Are you friggin' kidding me?

Maybe I'm just missing the draw here, but aren't we getting a little bit out of control with this reality fixation? I see billboards for this crap all the time--Tori and Dean, Dance your Ass Off, America's Next Top Model etc. Who gives a shit about any of this? Newsflash, no one cared about Tori Spelling even when she played a semi-retarded drama queen on Beverly Hills 90210 (a role that was probably not a stretch for her). And the only reason people want to see fat people do anything is so that we can make fun of them for doing that thing even though they're fat....pretty sad. As far as the next top model, I don't even think I can name one model........wait, Derek Zoolander! There ya go, I managed to remember one.

This is without a doubt THE lowest point in the history of television, I'm convinced. Nobody wants to write anything anymore; it's just putting the camera on a group of assholes and yelling "action!" Every time I turn around there's a bus with a huge ad for some garbage show that makes me want to puke on the side of the bus. The sad part is that networks that have since been notorious for producing good programming are now falling for the fad of turning the camera on and just letting people act like asses for the masses. Even TLC (the learning channel) now has a show about psychotic "pageant parents"....you know, the kind of parents that put their toddlers and babies in these beauty pageants. I haven't watched one second of it but I've dated a couple girls who were into pageants and let's just say I should kick my own ass for entertaining that. But the parents are worse because it's THEIR ambition, not the child's. I ask TLC, what's to learn from that? How to not be an asshole should have been covered around 10 yrs of age.

So let's try and answer this question: What is the draw for all of this reality programming? On the business side, I can understand the draw completely. Super cheap budget! No script to pay for, no SAG actors to pay, minimal set to build, and absolutely no talent to take care of. It's quite explainable why networks want to do this. But the real question is...why is it successful?

If what I'm saying is true and it's all garbage, then why are people so caught up in it? I'm a grown man but I'd honestly rather sit down for an old skool episode of Count Duckula on Nickelodeon than watch Tori and Dean become bigger jack-offs in front of everyone. But there are millions and millions of viewers that think otherwise. Why?

Can we safely assume that people watch this stuff because they don't have much else going on in their lives? That seems to be quite a safe assumption considering how many alternative options there are to watching some lady bitch out their husband because little Jeanie didn't have the right baton for the competition. Or worse, the other way around! I don't have a ton of respect for video games as a great way to spend your time, but I gotta say that these new reality series are making Madden '10 look like holding hands with FDR on your way to the Smithsonian.

I'm also gonna throw this out there at the risk of offending some of my readers. Have you ever talked to someone who's hooked on reality TV? I'm not talking about the person who's had a bad day at work and plops down to let his brain rot for 10 mintues (even I do that). Rather, I'm talking about the person who cites particular episodes followed by...."I love that show!" I've encountered plenty of these people, even family members, and they all have one thing in common........they don't know what a scantron is! Okay, maybe that's exaggerating, cuz I certainly know plenty of college educated people who watch this stuff. But honestly, if you just told me what happened in the last episode of Rock of Love w/ Bret Michaels, or Sixteen and Pregnant (awful concept by the way), I want to turn my back on you mid-sentence and walk away; never to waste my eyesight on you again.

Obviously, I'm not coming up with any real answer to my question here. I'm not sure if there is just one answer as to why people watch this stuff. It's probably a myriad of reasons. No education? No parental guidance? No mind? No soul? I do not have the answer. I just know there was a time when characters such as Cliff Huxtable and Alex P. Keaton touched the hearts of American TV viewers. Mr. Belvedere was a gentle man, and we were all supportive of Charles being in charge before he went to the dark side of reality TV as well. I'm simply saying that there used to be endearing, positive figures to watch on the small screen. Happy Days were truly happy days back then, and I can think of no other more comforting and encouraging voice, than the voice of Kit in Knight Rider. He looked after Michael, he cared for him.....he was the "Alfred" of Pontiac Firebirds.

Let's go back to these days people! Let's demand better programming from our networks by saying NO to this horseshit they're putting on the screen. Watching this crap will never make you a singer, it'll never make you a dancer, you'll never tryout for the Dallas Cowboys, and never never never will you screw as many rancid, souless, god-forsaken trash-women as Bret Michaels. So just put downt the remote and start reading for a change. My blog is a good place to start........