I can’t stop drinking beer

By

Brett Anderson

 

I’ve recently moved back to America’s Finest City—San Diego—for those who don’t know.   It’s the middle of winter right now, early February to be exact and most of the country is presently tundra.   My sales territory at my job are the wonderful people of the Garden State—New Jersey.   It’s snowing and sleeting there right now, they can’t get a break!  Even their chest hair and medallions are frozen. 

 

I, on the other hand, am sitting in shorts and a t-shirt (no shoes) as I write this from my sunny apartment with the door open and the warm 75 degree breeze flowing through this place.   I’m also drinking beer.   I find that I am often drinking beer here.   Now I’ve always loved beer and I’ve always drank beer since high school.   However, there is something about this town that makes me drink beer when I otherwise shouldn’t be drinking beer.  I’m not saying I’ve been in the middle of a eulogy and paused for a sip.  Nor am I claiming to have ever used a stadium pal at a Padre game.  But I drink when I shouldn’t. 

 

For instance, tomorrow I have a slew of new business prospects that I should close.  My commission/paycheck depends on it and although it’s not that big of a deal, still, it’s Thursday, not even 4pm, and I’m throwin’ down a delicious IPA that I should otherwise be drinking on the weekends only.   I wouldn’t say I have a beer gut, but it’s in its infant stages.  Some of that is carne asada burritos (stand by for I CAN’T STOP EATING CARNE ASADA BURRITOS in my next article). 

 

What is it about this city?   Sure it’s “America’s Finest”.   Sure the beaches are some of the most pristine in all of California (and lest anyone try and leverage L.A. against San Diego….you’re begging).   And sure it’s the 7^th largest cosmopolitan city in America with outdoor activity all around me and health and wellness factors to boot.   I should be swimming daily.  I should be doing triathalons, or running along the beach religiously. 

 

And yet, instead of going on a hike, I’m drinking beer.   This happens all the time for no reason.   I simply can’t NOT drink beer in this town.  So we can approach it in one of two ways.   Is there something about me?   That is, perhaps I’m an alcoholic?   Or is it something about San Diego that induces this kinda thing in its residents?   In other words, is there something in the air here that says, “Hey, remember how it’s almost 78 degrees in February?  You do?  Of course you do?  Why aren’t you drinking a cold beer then?”

 

Let’s start with the first option.   There’s alcoholism in my family on my dad’s side.   He used to drink beer pretty heavily.  But in 1984, he absolutely quit cold turkey.   He just chose to stop drinking altogether.  No AA.  No rehab.  No intervention.  He just decided that was that.  Last I checked, true alcoholics can’t “choose” anything when it comes to their habit.   They simply have a disease.   Of course this doesn’t mean that I don’t have a disease.  But I’ve never gotten a DUI.  I’ve never had a drop of booze in a work setting.  No one has ever approached me with “you might have a problem Brett”.  I’ve never lost a friendship or a girlfriend over it.  Only once have I used a flask for drinking, and that was because the concert venue I was attending was a DRY venue, which is complete bullshit!  Why the fuck am I even going to see Journey if I can’t throw back a few cold ones and pretend that I’m Steve Perry!?  You’re talking about one of the greatest sing-along rock bands of all time and I’m supposed to sit through that shit sober?   Not to mention that Pat Benatar opened.  No sir!  What’s more, I’ve never had the addictive personality that truly craves any given thing.   So that rules out alcoholism.   On to the next hypothesis.

 

Perhaps San Diego itself has a way of influencing this habit.   Fact:  it’s probably the #1 destination spot in the continental U.S.   Fact:  the weather here is decidedly the best in all of America.   Fact:  it’s a laid back town.   Fact:  the craft beer scene here is definitely in the top 3 of all U.S. markets.   Beer is running rampant here!!   Everywhere you go there’s craft beer and sunshine around the corner.   New breweries popping up left and right!  http://www.nytimes.com/2012/05/27/travel/san-diegos-thriving-craft-beer-scene.html?_r=0

 

But let’s take a closer look at the demographic of SD and the mentality therein.   The average age of a San Diegan these days is roughly 33 years old.   I moved away when I was 24 years old.   I spent ten years in NYC and then moved back at age 34.  I can say that I definitely noticed a change in demographic.  It’s a younger person’s town.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but it’s no wonder the beer scene here is out of control.   What’s more, the lifestyle here is so friggin’ sweet and wonderful that the whole environment beckons one to say “ahhhh, it can wait til tomorrow, it’s nice out today, let’s do happy hour instead of growing up!” 

 

So basically, there’s nothing about this town that has a sense of urgency or deliberateness.  There’s not much that sends the message, “hey man, you’d better get your act together or you’ll end up poor!”  So why not just kick back and throw a few beers down your throat and just wait to see what tomorrow brings.   My theory?   THIS is why salaries are low here even though the cost of living is high.   The economy and sociology of this city is such that there’s no incentive to pay higher wages because employers somehow KNOW that they can get some 20-something kid who’s willing to live month-to-month or, better yet, still living at home, to do a 60K per year job for only 30K.   And this kid, like me, is probably drinking a lot of beer. 

 

Lest I paint myself with an a brush of laziness, that’s is absolutely not the case.   And therein lies the paradox.  Do you know how ambitious you have to be to live in NYC for even 3 years, let alone 10?   You have to be a specimen of diligence and ambition to survive there for that long.  You gotta want it!   That was me.   Again, I’m not saying that I didn’t drink 18 beers in one night, hop up to the roof, sit on the edge like a fuckin’ idiot and tell Kelly Strandemo that I loved her.  I’m not saying it DID happen.  But I’m not saying it didn’t.  That’s for you to decide. 

 

I digress.   The point is I’m a hard-working, ambitious over-achiever with ten years of Big Apple hustle on his resume and yet I too can’t stop drinking beer in San Diego!   I want to.   But I can’t.  Not only do I love beer for the wonderfully fine beverage that it’s become.   Not only do I love beer for the flavor.  And not only do I love beer for the effects.   But I REALLY love the combination of all those beer-related factors up against sunshine, beaches, mountains, a median yearly temperature of 72, cool people, sunsets, and a thriving culinary scene. 

 

So I ask….what’s a guy to do?  Ahhhgghh!  I’ll do something about it tomorrow, right now I need to finish this glass. 

 

Also….don’t ever see any arena rock band sober.  You’re missing the point.

 

IDIOT CONCERT-GOERS

I recently went to a concert with my fiancee and another couple. I won't disclose who I went to see. Ok, I saw Heart. They were absolutely terrific and I enjoyed myself immensely. However, any time many human beings assemble at a concert, there's going to be some douche bags in the mix who don't know how to act. I honestly would love to find another word for the type of person I'm about to describe, but "douche bag" really has taken on a legitamized alternative meaning other than its feminine hygene association.

I opted not to buy the expensive tix for this show....after all, it's Heart. Thus I decided to get some cheaper tix which were standing room only on the floor. Hammerstein ballroom is a lovely venue and there's really not a bad seat in the house. I was perfectly content to stand for 2 hours to hear this wonderful band. But, of course, I knew going into it that there would be "THAT guy" (mutliple "THAT guys" actually). And if you've been to a standing room only show, you probably can guess who I'm referring to.

It's the guy who doesn't respect the unspoken rule of standing room only shows. Don't push people out of the way so that your beer-gut body and fat-ass girlfriend can make their way closer to the stage! And it's always the same type of guy, some guido-lookin jack-off with a heinous chick on his arm trying to show how cool and assertive he is by shoving his way to the closer spaces (as if there are any).

Sure enough I saw it a few times at this show. It's hard to know what to do in this situation though. It's noisy first of all, so saying something to the guy isn't always heard. Even if he does hear you, he obviously doesn't care because his behavior already demonstrates that his parents raised him to be a toolbox maggot piece of garbage. And even if he does hear you...will his blue-collar, unrefined, mouse-sized brain comprehend your message that he's being a pig-bastard lame ass? (how we doin' on hyphens by the way?) And even if he understands the message, you think a guy like that is gonna offer an apology and head back to where he came from?

Well, I was glad to see that some form of the latter scenario did actually happen. I was pleased to see it. He made his way a few "rows" up in front of me so he was technically out of my physical range and jurisdiction to be the one to say something. Plus I know myself, it wouldn't have gone well. Whether I would have gotten the better of the scuffle or not...I can't have on my social resume that I was kicked out of a Heart concert for fighting! Megadeth maybe.....but not Heart.

But a bunch of women certainly did speak up, along with another couple, and it wasn't long before he retreated back to to the cave from whence he came (along with his munchkin gal pal he was with).

I just hate the fact that people know that what they're doing is somewhere between super-douchey and "you should really end your life and get off the planet", and yet they still go through with it! We all paid good money to see a good show. Let's all come together and recognize the unspoken rules of concert-going. Here are a few that come to mind:

1. If you have standing room tix, don't be the ass that pushes and shoves his way to get closer and infringe on everyone else's physical space (especially when you're 6'4")

2. Smoke your weed but don't blow it straight out into the back of guys head in front of you, and respect the no-smoking rule when it comes to cigarettes.....no venue allows that crap in there anymore.

3. If you're gonna sing along.....dammit, be in key! No one paid to hear your squealing shower voice.

4. We all have the same amount of physical space allotted to us, let's respect the space of others and not sit like you're on the toilet with your knees 2 feet wide, okay Buford? And if you're 350 lbs, find the empty seat that has 2 empty seats on either side next to it so that you don't impose your lard on others.

5. Don't stand when everyone else is sitting. Know the show you're going to, Metallica? Cool to stand. Pink Floyd? Sit back and enjoy the visuals and sound.

6. If you're 25 and happen to enjoy Peter Frampton...cool? Don't get pasted and obnoxious and ruin it for the 65 yr olds who just want to enjoy the concert.

7. You're not a good dancer. I recorded it and can prove it. And no one else in the row behind you thinks your good either. Have a seat crazy lady!

8. You haven't seen Hall and Oates in a long time, you're a divorced woman and you're there with your other divorced woman friend and you guys think you still "got it". You don't. You've put on some lbs. Next time please dress accordingly.

9. You're at a live performance with 15,000 other people. What the hell are you doing on your phone? Please hang up now. We're all waiting to hear "Refugee", not a song called "this dickhead's conversation"

10. If you spill beer on someone...GENUINELY apologize. Don't mix in a half-ass barely-audible "sorry" and then keep rockin out like you committed no offense.

Sidenote: A wag of the finger to the concession workers who ask 60-yr olds for their i.d. I know the boss says "card everyone!", but have a little respect for your elders and reverence for their noticeble hair-loss. My dad (63) got carded at a show not long ago and he about slapped the shit out of this kid for even asking. After all, he didn't even look old enough to serve alcohol?

Keep this in mind people. And everyone gets to enjoy the show!

Job Descriptions

Well, it's certainly been a while since I've posted something here. I'm sure all zero of my readers have been starving for more vents and social criticism from yours truly. I guess I've been starved from spewing them...and thus, I type.

It should be no real news to folks that the economy is not improving, and joblessness is still really really bad. Anyone in the market for a stable and reasonably lucrative gig certainly has their work cut out for them. As if the market wasn't saturated enough, employers I've noticed still continue to pour kerosine on the fire by posting some of the most ridiculous job descriptions and compensations packages attached to them.

It's like this....if everyone is starving, don't make plain rice even more impossible to get your hands on. These HR dicks are still posting job descriptions that require "ten years of identical experience, must have A, B, C, D, E...and (you guessed it) F skills, and experience in "this miscroscopic facet of our industry which goes by an abbreviation that only 2% of the planet knows what it is".
Oh and by the way.........we're gonna say that compensation is competitive, but really we've got a budget of $35,000-$38,000 to pay you to do this. What's that you ask? How am I gonna live on that in a market like San Fransisco? Well...we don't know. You'll figure it out.

This is beyond frustrating and either speaks to how awful corporations are to think that they can douse an already saturated job market with ludicrous amounts of specificy which make the landing the gig on par with a postive DNA test, or it just speaks to how actually awful our economy really is right now. It's the same shit over and over.

Here's the good news though. At least you get to spend roughly 30 minutes applying online before you send your resume into friggin' NOWHEREVILLE!!

A quick lesson for new college graduates: either stay put in the family business if you're lucky enough to be born into one, or start rubbing shoulders with anyone and everyone who has a business, because apparently you're not getting a foot in the door to anyplace without a resume that's about as unique and obscure as a lunar eclipse!!

Golden Globes

As a general fact, I don't really tune in to awards shows when they air. They're notoriously boring and even when I give myself a chance to like them, the aforementioned fact is nearly always confirmed. Plus, deep down, they award the worst in humanity--self-glory, shallow accomplishments relative to what's actually virtuous, and idolization. There's too many false idols in this world, we don't need yet another awards show to continue proving it.

But I did catch a little of the Golden Globes last night. Not enough to rattle off who won what, but a few minutes here or there. Mostly I read about Ricky Gervais' hosting performance. I must confess, as a fan of comedy and a practitioner myself, I think Gervais is just about as sharp as it gets. He's super quick with practically unparalleled wit and a solid knack for surprise by way of the sarcastic remark. All things I appreciate in good humor. So on the record, I'm a fan.

But in reading the reviews, it seemed like he treated it like a roast more than an awards show. Refreshing I can imagine to viewers, but certainly not appreciated by his industry peers. And that was generally the consensus I got from the reviews and also the feeling I had during certain segments I watched.

I gotta confess, the more I watch him and observe his comedy style and tactics...the more I gotta wonder, is this guy really a happy man? Now some might say, "well he's a comedian, so by definition....NO". I appreciate such an opinion. As a comedian myself I can relate and I would agree to an extent that there's a correlation (though it isn't necessary). But there's a paradox I've noticed in him, and that is an incessant need to call everyone and everything out on what's wrong with it/them. What's his actual goal or point? Doth Gervais protest too much?

Now on the one hand, this is necessary for any truly funny comedian to be able to do. That I would agree with. But it seems like it's really a personal thing for Gervais. He simply cannot NOT rag on his own industry and peers around him. Satire is a great thing, maybe one of the best especially when it comes to Hollywood. But when the joke is aimed at someone's addiction, that, for all you know, was a very painful and damaging experience (and more than a decade ago)...I have to ask, what is your real intention here?

Now here's the thing. I will fully concede that it's really really hard to find any sympathy for Hollywood celebrities when your fake chest got you the job, or your parents paved the way for you (Keifer, Paltrow, Jolie etc.). And for the most part, let's face it, they're not really seen as virtuous people, and it's probably safe to say that they don't even like each other deep down. So Gervais deserves some credit for calling it out. But it's the different between making a point with jabbing humility, and hammering away at it with apparent malice disguised as "satire".

As I watched portions of the show and read up on some of the barbs Gervais threw out, I realized...funny though he is, he's really just mean. I don't know him, but I can't imagine he's a nice man at the end of the day. And I say that because the real sign of good chracter is when you can be nice to the people even when you don't like them. I don't at all think that people like Justin Bieber, or the Jersey Shore cast, for example, deserve ANY attention and recognition whatsoever. I do not think they're talented or contribute anything to the betterment of society; in fact, they make it worse. That is MY opinion. But there's also no urge within me to go on live television to broadcast those sentiments as if my opinion is that important. Mind you, I'm convicted that I'm right about them. But there's a gauge I have that tells me "Everyone pretty much knows, so it's futile to make the point".

Anyone can love the people they like, how hard is that? I've noticed that truly humble people who have good character are somehow able to love (or at least respect) the people that they don't like. Gervais seems to be something of an oxymoron, have you noticed? Think about it. He goes on record to criticize Hollywood for doing the very thing that he does in his criticism: tearing others down for a bit of self-glorification. Only Gervais disguises it in the form of "comedic satire" which, for some strange reason, gets passed by those just as non-reflective or jaded as he is.

Now perhaps he would respond, "I don't do it for self-glorification...I don't need to do that." Well, then the question becomes, "Why do it then?". It's the difference between mere criticsm, and offering a solution; between merely tearing down versus tearing down IN ORDER to build up. If Gervais' real deep-seeded wish is to see a more humble and virtuous industry around him, perhaps the better route is merely to just showcase good character and humility himself rather than pointing out how awful everyone and everything is.

He's gone on record to say that "there's nothing you shouldn't joke about, it depends on the joke". I'm not sure if I really understand his point here...I assume he's drawing a distinction between the subject matter and the actual punchline (what's said); and I would agree that that can mean the different between funny vs. offensive. But I have to wonder if he really knows the consequences what he's saying. Absolute remarks like that usually come from people that absolutely don't love or revere anything. That unabashed mentality of recklessness in the name of being bold or edgy surely can't make for a happy existence. If somethings aren't sacred or inherenty right or wrong, then that makes for a pretty awful world.

People with this mentality seem to always be out to prove a point. Like most everyone else, these people die eventually and no one remembers them, except for their anger. Not a great legacy. It is builders that people remember. Not mere critics.

PUBLIC FIGHTING

It occured to me that some people have close to zero discretion when it comes to airing emotional and sometimes physical discourse in public settings. My sister is a totally sane person...........now. But growing up together was basically 18 yrs of fighting, we had a hard time getting along. And I remember her willingness to have a fight in public places like a supermarket or parking lot. And I don't mean boxing, but an all out yelling match or making a scene.

And other than the obvious discomfort of having a fight with someone in general, I remember thinking, "how are you able to do this....don't you feel the least bit uncomfortable drawing negative attention to yourself (and me) in the canned food aisle?.....I sure as hell do!" But for some, that wall of discretion that says "not here" is either made of soaked cardboard or they just weren't given one from birth. Amazes me.

In NYC where I live, this is blown up beyond comprehension. People's willingness to just shout at their girlfriend or boyfriend on the phone....not just shouting, blood curdling screaming, cursing and hellish name-calling. All taking place on the sidewalk with other people around or else standing on the subway platform waiting for a train with a bunch of other people who'd rather not be forced to listen to how dysfunctional their relationships are! If you're lucky enough to catch a subway in Queens or Brooklyn where the trains sometimes run above ground (thus allowing cell phone reception), then you might further enjoy them bringing their quasi COPS episode on to the train as well......you know....where it's super quiet and everyone just wants to sit in peace like they normally would in their own car.

But what really interests me is to see a stranger break up a fight between two other strangers. Guys who break up fights between other guys that they don't know fascinate me. After I saw it, I couldn't help but think "would I have done that". No. No I would not. I don't get it. You don't know the guys, they don't know you, it's not your problem and you have no stake in it...so what are you doing it for? Granted, most people actually don't want to fight when it comes down to it. And most people don't want to see violence happen in front of them. Nor do I.

However the question is, what jurisdiction does the breaker-uper have in the equation? If my friends Tom and Bill have maybe had too much to drink and a dispute or argument leads to physical altercation, I step in, of course. I know each of them, I know they'll regret it, and we're all friends. But what grounds does the stranger have to break up a fight? Seems kinda rude in a strange funny way. You're basically butting in and not minding your business. Only in this case, you could accidentally take an elbow to the nose.......or maybe one on purpose. The two fighting could turn on you!

If a guy is getting beaten by another man severely, one is morally obligated to step in and try to protect by pulling the other guy off. But if two idiots are about to throw blows over who was standing to close to whom on the subway....then good luck to ya fellas, gouge each others eyes out for all I care. I have salmon thawing and I should probably get home.

STAYING LATE FOR NO REASON!!

Please post a comment for this entry if you think you really have a sound answer to this......but why are these people in the cubicles in front of me CHOOSING to stay late on a Friday and acting like there's pertinent work that has to get done? I'm in the same office, in the same department, even the same project! And I can tell you...there isn't reason to stay.

There's an absolutely wonderful and not annoying at all sect of office workers who think they're cool or "going the extra mile" by staying an extra hour late at the office, even though that hour is spent on facebook or wikipedia or some crap that has nothing to do with their actual job. I guess keeping up appearances is the "right" thing to do within the realm of office politics.

You know who doesn't stay late at their job for no reason in order to keep up appearances? Farmers! Shepherds! Firefighters! There's probably others. Anyone who doesn't make their living in an office, basically.

Well I guess they can stay here as late as they want watching Youtube videos or going over some work that is making their eyes bleed......I for one, am outta here. That is....after I finish this blog.
Done.

...okay, now I'm really leaving.

Too Much Tech and Info?

I was shopping in Bed Bath and Beyond the other day, because I'm married now. And as my wife was looking at curtain rods, I offered to mozy over to the sheets and pick up a set that we had registered for. She seemed concerned that I wouldn't remember the style and brand that we originally liked, but I assured her "I got this".

As I made my way into the sheets section hoping nobody I knew was around, I noticed a sign posted at the start of a short aisle that said "How to buy sheets". That's literally what it said. I squinted and began to read. Then it hit me..."what the hell are you doin' man? you don't want to actually be caught reading this thing". So I quickly looked away and reassured myself that I had what it takes to select a set of sheets, physically walk them to the checkout, and swipe a debit card. No "how to" guidelines needed for this guy, I can buy sheets, what am I?...an idiot?

But the 2nd thought that popped into my head was, "Is that what it's come down to? We're so used to information technology and cell phone apps that we can't even buy sheets anymore? We have to be reminded? Of course that sign wasn't posted for that reason, but for some reason, that was the thought I immediately had.

I just had a friend hit me up in an email about a new "project/business" she was starting up, and when I checked out the site, it seemed to be another opportunity to sign up for yet another social network! I had a myspace page, I have a facebook page, I have a website, and I have a blog. I don't need anymore people peeping in to my world. It's not even that interesting at the moment anyway.

I'm a fan of technology. It has certainly made our lives easier. But is that necessarily a good thing? For instance, my wedding weekend....I had a destination wedding so I had friends and family calling and texting me constantly on my cell wanting to know where, what, and when on a half-hourly basis. So I was fetching calls and feeding information to over a dozen people all day for 2 days up until I arrived at the ceremony. I was stressed from planning my own wedding. Not how I pictured it.

So the question came to me...what on earth did people do in the 90's and earlier in a situation like this? How, i ask how, could someone pull off an event such as mine? They would have had to plan in advance? They would have had to do research in advance to know where everything is. Maps would have needed to be purchased. Thought would have had to go into their communication strategy, and promptness and accountability would need to be applied. Perhaps this sounds like a pain in the butt for them, but it would have made my life a hell of a lot easier that weekend.

Cell phones are fantastic, almost as great as DVR (after all, we absolutely CANNOT miss what's on TV these days, it's amazing). Indeed, the cell phone and navigation systems that come with them make life a bit easier, that's why people shell out dough to have them. But the same kind of quick fix has made its way into our social lives and we no longer have to communicate on an interpersonal level (unless we choose to). Actual conversations are being had via text messaging, I've seen texts come in 4 or 5 parts....hell, some people won't even use the phone much for it's actual purpose....PICKING IT UP.

Now right about now you're thinking, "okay, what's your point exactly?". I don't have one. I often don't have one. I'm just writing crap in my blog hoping that some tight thesis or conclusion comes to me and it often doesn't. A stupid sign at BB&B on how to buy sheets caused me to think about other facets of our informational world.

I guess my point is that the answer (as usual) lies somewhere in the middle. I love my cell phone for the convenience it provides me, and I also know how to buy sheets.

Whew....saved it there, for a minute I didn't think I was gonna have a tight wrap-up to hammer my point.