PUBLIC FIGHTING

It occured to me that some people have close to zero discretion when it comes to airing emotional and sometimes physical discourse in public settings. My sister is a totally sane person...........now. But growing up together was basically 18 yrs of fighting, we had a hard time getting along. And I remember her willingness to have a fight in public places like a supermarket or parking lot. And I don't mean boxing, but an all out yelling match or making a scene.

And other than the obvious discomfort of having a fight with someone in general, I remember thinking, "how are you able to do this....don't you feel the least bit uncomfortable drawing negative attention to yourself (and me) in the canned food aisle?.....I sure as hell do!" But for some, that wall of discretion that says "not here" is either made of soaked cardboard or they just weren't given one from birth. Amazes me.

In NYC where I live, this is blown up beyond comprehension. People's willingness to just shout at their girlfriend or boyfriend on the phone....not just shouting, blood curdling screaming, cursing and hellish name-calling. All taking place on the sidewalk with other people around or else standing on the subway platform waiting for a train with a bunch of other people who'd rather not be forced to listen to how dysfunctional their relationships are! If you're lucky enough to catch a subway in Queens or Brooklyn where the trains sometimes run above ground (thus allowing cell phone reception), then you might further enjoy them bringing their quasi COPS episode on to the train as well......you know....where it's super quiet and everyone just wants to sit in peace like they normally would in their own car.

But what really interests me is to see a stranger break up a fight between two other strangers. Guys who break up fights between other guys that they don't know fascinate me. After I saw it, I couldn't help but think "would I have done that". No. No I would not. I don't get it. You don't know the guys, they don't know you, it's not your problem and you have no stake in it...so what are you doing it for? Granted, most people actually don't want to fight when it comes down to it. And most people don't want to see violence happen in front of them. Nor do I.

However the question is, what jurisdiction does the breaker-uper have in the equation? If my friends Tom and Bill have maybe had too much to drink and a dispute or argument leads to physical altercation, I step in, of course. I know each of them, I know they'll regret it, and we're all friends. But what grounds does the stranger have to break up a fight? Seems kinda rude in a strange funny way. You're basically butting in and not minding your business. Only in this case, you could accidentally take an elbow to the nose.......or maybe one on purpose. The two fighting could turn on you!

If a guy is getting beaten by another man severely, one is morally obligated to step in and try to protect by pulling the other guy off. But if two idiots are about to throw blows over who was standing to close to whom on the subway....then good luck to ya fellas, gouge each others eyes out for all I care. I have salmon thawing and I should probably get home.

STAYING LATE FOR NO REASON!!

Please post a comment for this entry if you think you really have a sound answer to this......but why are these people in the cubicles in front of me CHOOSING to stay late on a Friday and acting like there's pertinent work that has to get done? I'm in the same office, in the same department, even the same project! And I can tell you...there isn't reason to stay.

There's an absolutely wonderful and not annoying at all sect of office workers who think they're cool or "going the extra mile" by staying an extra hour late at the office, even though that hour is spent on facebook or wikipedia or some crap that has nothing to do with their actual job. I guess keeping up appearances is the "right" thing to do within the realm of office politics.

You know who doesn't stay late at their job for no reason in order to keep up appearances? Farmers! Shepherds! Firefighters! There's probably others. Anyone who doesn't make their living in an office, basically.

Well I guess they can stay here as late as they want watching Youtube videos or going over some work that is making their eyes bleed......I for one, am outta here. That is....after I finish this blog.
Done.

...okay, now I'm really leaving.

Too Much Tech and Info?

I was shopping in Bed Bath and Beyond the other day, because I'm married now. And as my wife was looking at curtain rods, I offered to mozy over to the sheets and pick up a set that we had registered for. She seemed concerned that I wouldn't remember the style and brand that we originally liked, but I assured her "I got this".

As I made my way into the sheets section hoping nobody I knew was around, I noticed a sign posted at the start of a short aisle that said "How to buy sheets". That's literally what it said. I squinted and began to read. Then it hit me..."what the hell are you doin' man? you don't want to actually be caught reading this thing". So I quickly looked away and reassured myself that I had what it takes to select a set of sheets, physically walk them to the checkout, and swipe a debit card. No "how to" guidelines needed for this guy, I can buy sheets, what am I?...an idiot?

But the 2nd thought that popped into my head was, "Is that what it's come down to? We're so used to information technology and cell phone apps that we can't even buy sheets anymore? We have to be reminded? Of course that sign wasn't posted for that reason, but for some reason, that was the thought I immediately had.

I just had a friend hit me up in an email about a new "project/business" she was starting up, and when I checked out the site, it seemed to be another opportunity to sign up for yet another social network! I had a myspace page, I have a facebook page, I have a website, and I have a blog. I don't need anymore people peeping in to my world. It's not even that interesting at the moment anyway.

I'm a fan of technology. It has certainly made our lives easier. But is that necessarily a good thing? For instance, my wedding weekend....I had a destination wedding so I had friends and family calling and texting me constantly on my cell wanting to know where, what, and when on a half-hourly basis. So I was fetching calls and feeding information to over a dozen people all day for 2 days up until I arrived at the ceremony. I was stressed from planning my own wedding. Not how I pictured it.

So the question came to me...what on earth did people do in the 90's and earlier in a situation like this? How, i ask how, could someone pull off an event such as mine? They would have had to plan in advance? They would have had to do research in advance to know where everything is. Maps would have needed to be purchased. Thought would have had to go into their communication strategy, and promptness and accountability would need to be applied. Perhaps this sounds like a pain in the butt for them, but it would have made my life a hell of a lot easier that weekend.

Cell phones are fantastic, almost as great as DVR (after all, we absolutely CANNOT miss what's on TV these days, it's amazing). Indeed, the cell phone and navigation systems that come with them make life a bit easier, that's why people shell out dough to have them. But the same kind of quick fix has made its way into our social lives and we no longer have to communicate on an interpersonal level (unless we choose to). Actual conversations are being had via text messaging, I've seen texts come in 4 or 5 parts....hell, some people won't even use the phone much for it's actual purpose....PICKING IT UP.

Now right about now you're thinking, "okay, what's your point exactly?". I don't have one. I often don't have one. I'm just writing crap in my blog hoping that some tight thesis or conclusion comes to me and it often doesn't. A stupid sign at BB&B on how to buy sheets caused me to think about other facets of our informational world.

I guess my point is that the answer (as usual) lies somewhere in the middle. I love my cell phone for the convenience it provides me, and I also know how to buy sheets.

Whew....saved it there, for a minute I didn't think I was gonna have a tight wrap-up to hammer my point.

Honeymoon

I got married a couple weeks ago and now we're back from our honeymoon and trying to adjust to normal married life, whatever that is.

The wife cooked dinner the other night, I cooked dinner last night, tonight I'm not gonna be home til 9:30 or so, and she offered to make dinner to have ready for me when I got home. Feels good. Nice to be married. I do wish we were back in Hawaii though, sipping on $12 cocktails near the pool and then hopping into the ocean for a mildly drunken snorkel session.

It kinda made me wonder why anyone lives anywhere else. I suppose some people would get island fever after a while, but I would gladly welcome that in contrast to the hard living I experience here in the concrete jungle of NYC. To each his own I suppose. I'm just saying that when I'm on a crowded bus of rude people, I would not mind if a tropical fish swam within 2 feet of me and appeared to wink.

We had a blast on the honeymoon. Nothing but paradise and pleasure coming together for 10 days straight. Sunset dinners, parasailing, snorkeling, catamaran cruises, champagne...and plenty more activity. Now the real world of marriage begins though. Do I do her laundry now too when I need to throw in a load? If I'm hungry, do I fix a snack for two automatically? Can't leave any more dishes out, that's certain. Knocking on my own bathroom door feels strange as well. But it's all part of the journey. I'm thoroughly convinced despite the adjustment that I made the best decision of my life.

I'm totally on board.

MOVING

I recently had a big move this weekend. Well, not that big, I moved to what is equivalent to a 10 minutes walk from where I was living before. Kind of a frustrating move, cuz you feel like you didn't actually move even though two couches were carried down 4 flights of stairs, and an entertainment center had to be dismantled and put back together again.

I have some steller friends in my quiver, who all showed up to help out and contribute to the cause. I of course returned the favor with delicious pizza and a trip to a local beer garden where I picked up the tab. I've come to the determination that a true test of a real friend is if they're willing to help you move when they are available. I had one guy spring a last minute "my ex-girlfriend just booked a last minute train into the city...so I'll be entertaining her starting tomorrow morning". You mean by "entertaining" that you're gonna be throwin' her around in the sack because you STILL can't break it off clean? Got it.

I've done this for several of my friends more than once and I'm happy to do it again (help them move, that is). For some reason, I see it as an excellent opportunity to serve my friends in a very needful way. Most people balk at the thought of helping someone move. But these people, more than likely, are just lazy. You know you're gonna be rewarded with a full stomach of something rife with saturated fat, plus enough beer to get your buzz on if you choose....so why not say yes to it? Think about it. You're burning mass calories during the actual move, and then putting them back at the end with food and brews. It evens out and no trip to the gym is necessary that day.

On different but related note. Time Warner Cable customer service sucks beyond comprehension. We transfered our account to the new address but we now have shoddy wireless internet. All I wanted was to schedule a tech to come out and change out our wireless router. 30 minutes later of being transfered to a bunch of imbecile's, I'm told that the soonest they can get a tech out to me is over a week from now. That's cool TW, I'll just keep paying for the service like there's no issue until then. Of course we can go without internet even though our cycle started on Oct 1st and it's now approaching the middle of the month!

I would switch to Verizon Fios, but the surprise of paying an additional $60 in hidden "we don't even know what that is" fees is even more daunting of a prospect.

SAYING GOODBYE TO SINGLENESS

I'm about 2 weeks away from getting married in New Orleans. It's very exciting and it's definitely the best decision I've ever made in my life. Granted, it will be a committment and a lot of sacrifice, but what kind of person do we really evolve to be without those virtues? Not much of one, in my humble opinion.

Nevertheless, I have come to realize retroactively (and will probably have more realizations once I'm a few years into my marriage) that there is definitely something to be said for the single life. You see, I've spent 90% of my adult life as a single person. I was never a "player of the field" if you will. I had some girlfriends over the years but probably not as many as the next guy. I guess I was just okay flying solo. I'm used to my autonomy, my own decisions, choices, tastes, and freedom. So for me this is a big step and will prove to be an interesting transition. And I do look forward to further refinement as a man...which only a woman can perform.

Having said that, I thought I might recap on a slew of things that I'll either miss or won't be doing anymore as a single dude living in a major market. Mind you these are just a few things I'm pretty much saying goodbye to, not that I'll NEVER engage in these activities/endeavors/interests again, but I'm considering them gone. So here's what I'm saying adios to:

Playing air bass
Leaving my socks right where they are because I'm fine with where they are
Sitting on the edge of my bed for 30 minutes in my robe deciding what my next move will be
Leaving beer bottles visibly out because I think it's art
Foosball
Knowing exactly where stuff is
Wearing my concert t-shirt's just about everywhere
pretty much my wardrobe as I know it
loud rock & roll
wiffle ball
Pizza at 3am
Flirting with girls
Looking at girls
Talking to girls
Merely acknowledging that other girls exist
Fetching my own beer (that's a joke, hope you get it)
All the Van Halen I can take
Crashing on my buddy's couch cuz I'm too lazy/hammered to head home that night
The Ultimate Fighting Championship
My money
Any friend who's merely been a drinking/goof-off buddy over the years
All female friends (not that I had any)
Singing R&B ballads simply because I'm in the mood
Peeing with the door open
that piece of furniture

.......the list is long and distinguished, I'm sure I'll add more to it over the years.

None of these thing am I truly holding onto too tightly, like St. Paul said, "when I became a man, I put away childish things." And thus I will too.

But I will NOT...repeat NOT.....start wearing loafers and yacht shorts! Ever.

Less Reply All....More Thinking About if People Care

If you've read any entry in my inconsistent blog you will know by now that I tackle the big issues in life. Squeezing from the end of the toothpaste instead of the middle. Opening presents on Christmas morning rather than its Eve. And of course....email ettiquette.



I'm a huge emailer, I must check it a hundred times a day at least. My gmail account is constantly open at work (whether it's technically allowed or not), and as soon as I get a new email, I drop everything and check it. Thanks for the false alarm Filene's Basement. Now recently I joined a writing team for an online publication that does nothing but publish the complaints of people such as myself. It's actually quite humorous most of the time and thought provoking. Anyway, an email was sent out to the new members of the writing staff welcoming them and thanking them for their efforts and patience with certain technical issues. Ideas on how to market the site better was also solicited by the editor in chief.



All of a sudden, I get 5-6 "reply alls" from these new writers introducing themselves and throwing in their 2 cents about how we can generate site traffic. All well intentioned (as most reply alls are); however, it's annoying as all hell. I get a new message in my inbox and it's Claire writing from Utah telling everyone on the list that she's so happy to be on board. Well that's great Claire, but you just took up 5 seconds of my busy life to say hi! This is not a huge corporation and you're not the new CEO. We all submit a couple of pieces per month and get on with our lives. No one even really knows each other.



Why do people feel the need to reply all with matters that are of no concern or interest to the people on the list? In this case, the editor in chief was the only person who solicited a response for suggestions, and therefore, that reply should have gone to him only. The rest of us don't need to know you or hear your thoughts. I know it sounds nit-picky and perhaps even a little brusque to criticize such people. But the lack of discretion in their solicitation is irritating after a while.



Cuz what happens is some third party chimes in and responds to that person, next a fourth smart ass has a comment and the next thing you know...your inbox is being bombarded with cluttered messages from all these "hilarious" people you don't even know much less value their opinion. This happens with b-day parties that are announced via email etc. Any kind of group activity wherein people don't "think it through" can easily end up like this. If Jack thinks he's funny and wants to throw out a comment, than just reply to Jack.



And if you work in an office and you want to hit up the happy hour really badly cuz you're 22 and anxious to mingle and throw back some Goldschlager...then just reply to the sender and tell them you'll be there. Don't identify yourself as the tool in the office by replying all and saying "Bill and I will be heading up the wet t-shirt competition". We get it....you're excited about drinking with your co-workers and you want to make sure you get the proper attention as the office jack-ass. Don't worry, you'll get the attention. But if you could just leave my inbox out of the equation, that'd be just terrific.